The Power of Three - On "Only" Having One Child

It starts around 15 months:

"When are you staring on number two?"

"You have to have another one!"

"That's just cruel."

"But, he'll be alone after you die."

These are only a fraction of what families with only children will hear. The pressure to expand the family beyond "just" one child can be stifling and overwhelming. The social expectation for children is astounding. You are not only expected to have one child, but two or more or else you are considered selfish, cruel and somehow incomplete. 

Avital Nathman wrote for Time magazine, "I knew we were already happy. And that he [our son] was also a truly happy kid, despite his wish [for another baby]. His life, and ours, wasn’t “less” because of not having more."

Single child families are on the rise, jumping from 10% in 1976 to 18% today. Reasons for this are infertility, usually when families wait too long before having children and families feeling like they don't make enough to support two children. Things seem even more bleak with more and more moms deciding to stay home with their children instead of putting them in dare care.
Still close friends and family and strangers alike feel compelled to express their concerns about single children. There are stigmas about single children. It is said that only children are lonely, spoiled, and unable to play well with others. 

Dr. Susan Newman, psychologist and author of The Case of the Only Child: Your Essential Guide, conducted a study of single child families and found that, "the studies all show that only children are not spoiled. They're no more lonely than other children, and they actually make as many friends as children with siblings." 

And yet, people insist that single child families are somehow unfinished and the parents are somehow self-obsorbed. The pressure may build with not only the frequent questions, but with the families that had their first children together all starting on their second children. The excitement of trying and learning that families are pregnant may stir the need to have more.
This may not be a good pretense for having another. The eagerness to jump on the baby-having band wagon may have less to do with actually wanting a second child and more to do with wanting to keep up with the group. Children are a life long commitment. The reason for having children should never come down to, "Well, everyone else is doing it..."
Remember, no one knows what is right for one family or another except for those involved. What may work for some families might not work for others. No two families are exactly alike. No one would know better than the families themselves. 
The pressure can be heavy. The questions intensify and become more harsh and invasive after the first baby turns 18 months old. Although some can be down-right insulting, try not to take it to heart. Usually, it is just out of concern.
There is a lot of talk about selfishness when it comes to children. It is not selfish to have only one child or to have no children at all. In a free society, where we are able to be who we are without fear of reticule is what it means to live in the 21st century (at least if you live in the Western World).
 Not everyone can or should have kids.
Not everyone can or should have more than one child.
So, next time someone feels inclined to comment on your family size, look at them straight in the eye and say, "Never underestimate the power of three."

Holiday Sharing in an Interfaith Family

Ah, the holidays. It's a time of year when you can't help, but hear 374 different versions of "Let it Snow." It's a time of year for gift giving and and the high stress of family gatherings. For a lot of people it is also a religious time.
But, what happens if there are more than one religion at home? 
In an article posted on everydaylife.com the writer pointed out that, "raising children in an interfaith household provides parents with a unique opportunity to celebrate both faiths and honor their children's religious heritage."
Still, there are some scruples about educating a child in multiple religions. At the top of the list, some say that two or more faiths can confuse a child, force them to pick one parent over the other or have incomplete knowledge of both religions.  
According to Susan Katz Miller in her post 7 Myths About Raising Interfaith Kids, she stated in respect to Christian and Jewish interfaith families, "Interfaith children raised in both religions often take on the role of interfaith interpreters, or bridge-builders. At a Bat Mitzvah, they can explain Jewish prayers and rituals to their Christian friends. At a Christian confirmation, they can explain prayers and rituals to their Jewish friends."
A 2009 study shows that one third of families in the U.S, or 35%, recognize themselves as interfaith. The study shows that Jews and Christians lay the foundation for interfaith couples and families. 
There are easy ways to share the December holidays when raising an interfaith child. Lighting the Chanukah candles in the glow of the Christmas tree can be a great opportunity to discuss the importance and equality of both faiths. When a family celebrates the holidays side by side they'd be surprised at how many customs overlap. At least when it comes to Judeo-Christian faith. 



If religion is subtracted from the holiday season, what's left? Togetherness, gift giving, food, family, happiness and cheer. Now, insert each religion back in one at a time. See that? The holiday season is about the miracle of G-d. But, it is also about togetherness, gift giving, food, family, happiness and cheer.
Although the details may be different, overall, the December holidays may have more in common than you think.