The Wedding Ring - Commitment or Ownership?

It all starts with the engagement ring. Most women dream of getting married from age four. They dress up as brides and await their prince to come and sweep them off their feet. 

But, what does the engagement and wedding bands really signify? Some consider it to be a symbol of, not everlasting love, but of ownership or dominance. 
According to one feminist blogger, "In Western culture, the sole focus is on women only wearing this ring and the importance to wear it at all times showing everyone that they are in a state of celebration (and are no longer single). With this coming to mind, the concept of engagement rings symbolism property of ownership to their male counterparts, losing the main focus and reason for the couples planned matrimony."
In most cases, it's safe to say that when a woman gets engaged, they are in a state of celebration, not of "not being single anymore," but of being promised to spend her life with the person she loves. 

The concept of the rings tied to matrimony could be traced back as far as ancient Egypt. The circular shape of the ring is said to symbolize eternity and the hole at the top a gateway. In essence, the rings signify the man giving his eternal and never-ending love to the woman of his choice. (No mention of the man wearing a ring as well, sorry.)

The reason some people may get up-in-arms about wedding rings and ownership is that there are some men who insist on their spouses wearing both an engagement ring and a wedding band, but don't wear one themselves. 

There could be a lot of factors to why these men (and women) feel that way. It could be anything from cultural to personal preference. Men tend to not wear a ring in order to hold on to a feeling of freedom that they feel they are somehow losing by getting married. 

Psychologist Gladeana McMahon says, "A lot of men may not want to feel that they are 'owned', or look like anyone's possession, and may feel this is the message given out by a wedding ring." 

Marriage is a personal matter. The only two people that it involves are the two people getting married. Truthfully, other people simply don't matter. Weddings tend to be a reflection of not only who these two people are as individuals, but a symbol of who they are as a couple. 

A resent study showed that people who marry tend to be happier and less stressed, especially when it comes to a highly stressful time in their lives, like a midlife crisis. 

The New York Times stated, "People have the capacity to increase their happiness levels and avoid falling deep into midlife crisis by finding support in long-term relationships." 

That being said, when it comes to wedding rings it boils down to personal preference and the circumstances of the couple. Some couples don't use engagement rings at all. Some use a bracelet or promise ring to propose and then pick out wedding bands together. A lot of couples don't use a wedding band at all, just leaving the engagement ring. 

All of these symbolize love. All of these symbolize the agreement between two people who want to spend the rest of their lives with the one person on earth they feel is meant for them. 

The Dangers of Social Media - It May Not Be What You Think

Nowadays, who's complete life isn't on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any other similar form of social media? Starting out small, social media has reshaped the way people connect with each other. It allows people, who are usually hard to keep in touch with, stay connected.
But, what if that was a bad thing?
There are increasing reports of parents accepting friend requests on Facebook and other social media sites from complete strangers. Through city check-ins, uploaded photos of their children and status updates, potential predators are figuring out where the children of these parents are and taking them.
Although these kidnappings are more common among teenagers, the abductions of toddlers and infants are growing in the U.S.
F.B.I. Special Agent Mike Conrad stated, "We're seeing probably three to five [infant abductions] a week nationwide. It's not that rare."
A less frightening, but no less alarming, threat via social media is what's called "digital kidnapping." In these instances, people are saving photos of children that they are no way connected to and making up elaborate back stories. These digital kidnappers build a whole new, fictional life around the acquired photos.
One Instagram user and mother of three reported that she received messages from a woman who claimed that her child was in fact, the message sender's.
"The women told me they saw a photo of my baby daughter [and said that] was her son Wyatt. [The women] said he was a preemie, she gave his weight, length, everything. All made up."
Thoroughly freak out yet?
Don't worry. There are simple steps that social media users can practice to protect themselves and their loved ones from potential predators.
1. Never accept friend requests from someone you don't know.
Through activity on your social media account, people can figure out where you work, where your children go to school and when you're not at home. This gives the offender more than enough information to go on.
2. Don't use your child's photo as your profile picture.
What proud parent doesn't want to use a super cute picture of their child as their profile picture? Unfortunately, this gives a clear view of what your child looks like. Try using a picture that doesn't show your child's clearly.
3. Set your profile to "private."
When your account is set to "private" only people that you have approved can view your profile. All your check-ins, photos and status updates will only be able to be viewed by people you have friended.
It may seem paranoid to say that kidnappers can use social media to find their victims, but it is the sad, proven truth. Men and women alike are gathering information and taking children. Taking steps to protect yourself and your family is the only way to be sure that your family is safe.

Monkey See, Monkey Do - Diner Owner Yells at Yelling Toddler

If you have the internet, it is likely that you have seen the story about the Portland, Maine diner owner who hollered at a 21-month-old for screaming. In an act for help and compassion, the parents of the toddler girl took to social media. To their surprise, the commenters not only showed a lack of compassion, but actually commended the diner owner for doing what every person who was ever stuck in a small space with a screaming child wanted to do:
Yell at a small person who couldn't control their emotions like an adult.
Today, kids of all ages are being groomed for adulthood in a very different way than their parents were. Children are dressed up in adult like clothing that follows the "latest styles" and expected to sit quietly at a table while adults talk. For anyone who has ever spent an extended amount of time with a toddler, they know that that isn't always possible.
This expectation does not consider that child's personality, general behavior, or that child's day. In the case of the diner owner yelling at a screaming toddler, she not only showed a lack of professionalism and empathy, but proved that she was just as out of control as the less than two year old she was yelling at.
When interviewed, the diner owner Darla Neugebauer stated that she was not only not sorry, but, "[the parents] was lucky I didn't get really fu*king nuts because being physical is not something I cower from."
Um...that's illegal.
Not only was she not sorry about slamming her hands down and screaming into the face of a toddler to shut up, she would not be above using physical violence to remove the child. The parents are shocked and upset about the woman's lack of respect and self control.
This hungry little girl is not the first toddler to throw a fit in a restaurant and she certainly won't be the last. Toddlers are unpredictable and emotional. Parents try to do their best to control their children and keep them quiet and happy in public, but there are times when that is simply impossible.
Although it's annoying, even for other parents with other kids who are sitting nicely, sometimes the child is inconsolable. The parents of the little girl in Maine were probably frazzled, and embarrassed and just as desperate to calm their child as the diner owner was.
When a toddler is throwing a fit in a public space both the child and their parents need compassion and understanding, not a public chastising. There is no way to know what type of day that toddler had had. The family had stopped at the restaurant on their way to visit family in NH. At the very least, the child was in an unfamiliar place filled with unfamiliar things. That alone could be cause for a melt down. Add hunger and it's a whole new ball park of fits. Unfortunately, the diner owner showed that her behavior is little better than the little girl she was screaming at. At least the toddler had an excuse.

The Controversial Kids' Toy - The Hand Gun

With summer in full swing the occasional water fight is inevitable. The activity is an excellent way to keep cool, especially when the temperature climbs close to 100 degrees fahrenheit. There are an array of tools that can be used in these water fights such as cups, water balloons and pumps. Still, the most common tool for a water fight is probably the water pistol. 

Who doesn't remember the epic super soaker battles that commenced on those scorching summer days? They where colorful. They had an air pump. They were cheap. Still, with the seemingly increasing amount of child shooters, some worry that toy guns will encourage children to use a real gun, or other forms of violence against their friends and family. 

According to one article, "Everyone has an informal causation theory that playing with guns leads to the use of guns in adulthood," says Michael Thompson, PhD, child psychologist and author of It's a Boy! Your Son's Development From Birth to Age 18. Yet, most adult men who did engage in gunplay as children don't commit violent crimes."

Although studies may show no correlation between toy gun play as a child and adulthood, that does not ease the worry some may have about the link between toy gun play and real gun violence in children. Arguably speaking, even if toy gun play doesn't encourage aggressive behavior, it may encourage ignorance.

It's a child's job to play. Besides water pistols, toy soldiers, cop and cowboy dress up sets also come with guns. Some of them even come complete with the satisfying pop, pop, pop and smoke of dud "bullets." Toy guns make kids feel heroic and brave when most kids feel small and helpless. At the very least, kids just like to hear the noise it makes. That being said, the worry is that a child may think that a gun is an acceptable way to solve problems against people they see as aggressors. 

The argument around having real guns in a house where children live is that parents are taking precautions to protect their families. Gun safes, supervised handling and educational talks are only a few ways gun advocates are trying to keep the family guns out of little hands. But, with more and more shootings in the news, the worry only seems to grow. 

The sight of a child pointing a toy gun at another child, or themselves and pulling the trigger is alarming. Memories of twenty elementary kids shot dead along with their teacher is enough for most parents to hide all kinds of toy guns from their kids for all eternity. On the other side of the spectrum, some parents say that that is an overreaction that may be causing more harm than good. 

In the wake of all these child shooters, schools have been issuing severe penalties for any signs of aggression such as play shooting that they see from children. Some are arguing that kids will be kids and that it was "just play." Although most kids show no indication of any other violent or worrying behavior when it comes to gun play, the idea of a child making a gun out of their fingers and shooting their friends is "just play" is absurd. Suspending a fourth grader for his finger gun may be an overreaction, but not having an in-depth and easily understood conversation about why that action is not allowed is equally wrong. 

To eliminate the ignorance around toy gun play parents need to sit down with their child and explain what guns are for and what they do to people when they are used. Children as young as one-years-old can use a toy gun. It may be hard to have a meaningful conversation with them about the damages of guns. If that's the case, hold off on the toy guns until they can understand. 

What it comes down to is that guns are not dangerous. People are. A gun in the hand of the right person can save a life. A gun in the hands of the wrong person can take a life. With that thought in mind, guns are not toys. They are tools. And you wouldn't let your child run around with an electric drill without teaching them how to use it first, now would you?

Loving Your Body vs. Being Unhealthy

Body love seems to be what everyone is talking about. The body image movement is in full throttle let be news articles or musicians. They all say the same thing: Stop cropping waist lines and show us what a real woman looks like!

The harm the fashion industry is doing to the average woman's self esteem in the US is surprisingly damaging. Women and girls alike struggle to look like the image that they are told is beautiful with no account for body type, ethnicity, or history. What's even more troubling is that it's not only high school girls and adults that are worrying about their weight. Elementary girls are in the struggle as well.

Kaelin Tully told Buzz Feed, "I can remember being hyper-aware of my body as a little kid. I was 8 years old and refused to wear pants at all because I was worried about showing everyone how chubby my thighs were. Thinking back, it was kind of bizarre for an 8-year-old to feel that way."

To make matters worse, the images that these little girls are struggling to imitate are not actually real. The gorgeously smooth, flawless skin and hour glass figure that is portrayed by the models are actually as blemished as you and me. With the help of Photoshop and other softwares, already skinny models are being slimmed down, airbrushed over and almost totally done over until you would never recognize them in real life. 

Beautyredifined.com stated in a recent article, "When superstar singer Kelly Clarkson was digitally slimmed down almost beyond recognition on Self’s September 2009 cover, people noticed. Her appearance on “Good Morning America” within just days of the cover shoot proved that her body did not look anything like the very thin one that appeared on the cover." 

However unethical these actions may be, it does not give license to be unhealthy. Although the models are depicted as being long limbed, willowy creatures that easily slip into a size xxxs, the reality is that some people have not been in a size zero since they were in the fifth grade. That is, if they ever were. That being said, it probably isn't a good idea to accept an unhealthy weight and cease all exercise with the idea that what is depicted by the media is faked. 

There is a healthy weight range for all bodies, men and women. If that range is passed the body is put at greater risk. Heart disease, stroke, type two diabetes, and clotting are just a few examples of what would happen if obesity is left unchecked. 

It is all too easy to ignore the advice of doctors and other medical professionals when it comes to how to care for the body. This could be the case even more so for moms. Baby weight has a nasty way of sticking to every part of the body. Expecting mothers are instructed to consume an alarming amount of calories in order to provide for the growing person inside her. Those eating habits can easily follow into new parent life. 

What the media industry does with photoshop is mortifying. The movement that is in place against it thrive to get realistic models depicted in magazines and in videos. The misrepresentation of the "average" body is driving young girls and adults alike into eating disorders, fad dieting and shattered self esteem. 

Although it's okay to say "Love your body" it is not okay to use those words as an excuse to not be healthy. What the body image movement is trying to address is real. What the media does is cruel and, in some cases, irreversibly damaging. But, that does not mean that men and woman should not strive to be healthy. Everyone, overweight or otherwise need diet and exercise in order to stay healthy - if not for ourselves, then for our children. 

The Power of Three - On "Only" Having One Child

It starts around 15 months:

"When are you staring on number two?"

"You have to have another one!"

"That's just cruel."

"But, he'll be alone after you die."

These are only a fraction of what families with only children will hear. The pressure to expand the family beyond "just" one child can be stifling and overwhelming. The social expectation for children is astounding. You are not only expected to have one child, but two or more or else you are considered selfish, cruel and somehow incomplete. 

Avital Nathman wrote for Time magazine, "I knew we were already happy. And that he [our son] was also a truly happy kid, despite his wish [for another baby]. His life, and ours, wasn’t “less” because of not having more."

Single child families are on the rise, jumping from 10% in 1976 to 18% today. Reasons for this are infertility, usually when families wait too long before having children and families feeling like they don't make enough to support two children. Things seem even more bleak with more and more moms deciding to stay home with their children instead of putting them in dare care.
Still close friends and family and strangers alike feel compelled to express their concerns about single children. There are stigmas about single children. It is said that only children are lonely, spoiled, and unable to play well with others. 

Dr. Susan Newman, psychologist and author of The Case of the Only Child: Your Essential Guide, conducted a study of single child families and found that, "the studies all show that only children are not spoiled. They're no more lonely than other children, and they actually make as many friends as children with siblings." 

And yet, people insist that single child families are somehow unfinished and the parents are somehow self-obsorbed. The pressure may build with not only the frequent questions, but with the families that had their first children together all starting on their second children. The excitement of trying and learning that families are pregnant may stir the need to have more.
This may not be a good pretense for having another. The eagerness to jump on the baby-having band wagon may have less to do with actually wanting a second child and more to do with wanting to keep up with the group. Children are a life long commitment. The reason for having children should never come down to, "Well, everyone else is doing it..."
Remember, no one knows what is right for one family or another except for those involved. What may work for some families might not work for others. No two families are exactly alike. No one would know better than the families themselves. 
The pressure can be heavy. The questions intensify and become more harsh and invasive after the first baby turns 18 months old. Although some can be down-right insulting, try not to take it to heart. Usually, it is just out of concern.
There is a lot of talk about selfishness when it comes to children. It is not selfish to have only one child or to have no children at all. In a free society, where we are able to be who we are without fear of reticule is what it means to live in the 21st century (at least if you live in the Western World).
 Not everyone can or should have kids.
Not everyone can or should have more than one child.
So, next time someone feels inclined to comment on your family size, look at them straight in the eye and say, "Never underestimate the power of three."

Holiday Sharing in an Interfaith Family

Ah, the holidays. It's a time of year when you can't help, but hear 374 different versions of "Let it Snow." It's a time of year for gift giving and and the high stress of family gatherings. For a lot of people it is also a religious time.
But, what happens if there are more than one religion at home? 
In an article posted on everydaylife.com the writer pointed out that, "raising children in an interfaith household provides parents with a unique opportunity to celebrate both faiths and honor their children's religious heritage."
Still, there are some scruples about educating a child in multiple religions. At the top of the list, some say that two or more faiths can confuse a child, force them to pick one parent over the other or have incomplete knowledge of both religions.  
According to Susan Katz Miller in her post 7 Myths About Raising Interfaith Kids, she stated in respect to Christian and Jewish interfaith families, "Interfaith children raised in both religions often take on the role of interfaith interpreters, or bridge-builders. At a Bat Mitzvah, they can explain Jewish prayers and rituals to their Christian friends. At a Christian confirmation, they can explain prayers and rituals to their Jewish friends."
A 2009 study shows that one third of families in the U.S, or 35%, recognize themselves as interfaith. The study shows that Jews and Christians lay the foundation for interfaith couples and families. 
There are easy ways to share the December holidays when raising an interfaith child. Lighting the Chanukah candles in the glow of the Christmas tree can be a great opportunity to discuss the importance and equality of both faiths. When a family celebrates the holidays side by side they'd be surprised at how many customs overlap. At least when it comes to Judeo-Christian faith. 



If religion is subtracted from the holiday season, what's left? Togetherness, gift giving, food, family, happiness and cheer. Now, insert each religion back in one at a time. See that? The holiday season is about the miracle of G-d. But, it is also about togetherness, gift giving, food, family, happiness and cheer.
Although the details may be different, overall, the December holidays may have more in common than you think.