There Will Be More Babes A-comin'!

The US Supreme Courts, all men, have recently ruled that bosses no longer have to cover birth control with company provided medical insurance.
According to the Chicago Tribune on June 30th, "In a 5-4 vote on ideological lines, the justices said that such companies can seek an exemption from the so-called birth control mandate of the law known as Obamacare. The decision, which applies only to companies owned by a small number of individuals, means employees of those companies will have to obtain certain forms of birth control from other sources." 
This is not only bad news for the right for women to make their own medical decisions that Obama had fought two years for. The problem with the 5-4 ruling runs much deeper.
In an already overpopulated world, birth control helps women plan adequately for their families. It allows a woman, a lot of them mothers, to make careful decisions about if and when they have children and how many.
In a letter to the US Supreme Justice, MomsRising.org stated, "the economic security and health of mothers and families across our nation are dependent on mothers' ability to control how many children to have, and when to have them."
If birth control is no longer easily accessible, the amount of unplanned pregnancies will inevitably rise creating financial hardships, emotional stress and in some severe cases even death. Men and women may be forced with making the heartbreaking and difficult decision between bringing an unplanned child into the world, whether they can afford it or not, or abortion (which isn't covered either).
On average, it takes $226,950.00 to raise a child from birth to 18 in the US as of 2010. This sum does not include college or unforeseen medical expenses. In some states, just one year of childcare cost more than one year of college.
Although this new ruling only applies to small businesses that believe that the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, violates their religious freedom it still throws a wrench in the proverbial wheel of this nation. Studies show that in the US, about 99% of woman have used birth control at some point.
Statistics aside, in the Home of the Free, women should have the right to make decisions on their own. This especially applies to something as intimate as having a baby or not.
The discussion on whether or not to bring a new shining life into the world or not is a conversation between partners - not between boss and employee.


     

Who Mommy Groups are Really For

We all know how important it is for small children to get together with other children around their age. Socialization and development depends on the interactions that small children experience. These developments can be anything from simply being "okay" with being near another small baby to mimicking sounds that another child makes, or learning to share.
What isn't widely spoken about is how important these groups can be for the parents as well.
Motherhood can be isolating. This is especially the case when a mom or dad decides to stay at home with their new bundle of joy. Although parents are delighted that they get to spend as much time with their child as possible, allowing them to record every cute move their baby makes and posting them on Facebook as fast as their hands can manage, it can be hard and stressful.
Dangerous questions start to arise like, "what am I doing wrong?" and guilty thoughts like, "I'm such a bad parent" flood the brain. The important thing is to know that no parent is alone in these everyday, sometimes every minute struggles.
Here is where mommy groups come in.
Going to the park and simply interacting with other moms can relieve the stress and doubts that weigh parents down. Seeing that there are many different types of children that develop in their own time can help ease the worries and inadequacies that parents feel. If anything, it forces you to get dressed and leave the house for a little while.
Playgroups are another way to socialize your child and for parents to talk to each other. Gymboree, The Little Gym and community centers and YMCAs are great places to start. These places focus on a child's development while making it fun and stimulating for them. At the same time, parents bond over their children and can quickly identify how they play with other children.
Future playdate, anyone?
Of course it isn't always simple finding the right playgroup or mommy group. For some, it can be a major chore just to leave the house. If this is the case, start simple. When out for a walk in the neighborhood, or at the local Starbucks, if you pass another mom, say "hi." Speaking to a complete stranger about something as precious as your child can be scary, but once you open up (and have your kids interact) something mutually beneficial may blossom - Support.
After interacting with other moms you will quickly find that they are just as eager to establish connections with other moms as you are. This can especially be the case when a parent was used to working everyday and is now staying home all day with a little helpless creature to take care of. It can be a hard adjustment to make. Talking about these feelings with someone who can completely understand where you're coming from an help ease the burden that a lot of new parents feel.
Guilt, loneliness, shame, and fear all come with the territory of parenting. What counts is how you deal with these emotions. Sometimes, reaching out to your partner is not enough. Sometimes you just need to feel apart of something bigger than your house, and your baby and your worries. Sometimes, you just need someone to smile at you and say, "hi."

The Hidden Shame of Motherhood - an Inward Struggle

There are many emotions that come with having and raising a baby - fear, love, devotion, obsession, worry, but there is one emotion that moms are not always ready for. Shame.
The expression "it takes a village" can not be more relevant to raising a child. There are so many things out there that say what is good for our children and what is bad. There are decisions that need to be made. These decisions are not about yourself anymore. They are about the welfare and future of this little person that you brought into the world.
Should I circumcise my son?
Should we vaccinate our children?
Are my kids getting enough to eat?
Why won't this rash go away?
Along with all the feelings that come with struggling with these issues comes a large dose of judging. A lot of times, that judging comes from well-intenting fellow parents. On the other hand, a large amount of those judging comments and meaningful looks come from people who have never had children.
It's enough to get to anyone!
Social media is another source of shame and guilt. What mother (and sometimes father) doesn't have their pages and the pages of their close friends and family littered with pictures of their children laughing, playing with the dog, chasing after an other friend, or playing at the park. This is especially true when one parent is at home and the other is working.
Still, these pictures and videos can be deadly. To watch what other kids the exact same age are doing can make mothers feel guilty and inadequate. Dangerous questions flood the brain after watching a twenty second video of a 9 month old standing by themselves. You look at your eleven month old who is not even crawling yet and wonder the most treacherous question.
What did I do wrong?
The answer is NOTHING. There are so many methods out there on how to raise a child, but none of them are wrong. Parents are responsible to making tough decisions. A lot of times, they are forced to put into practice things that they don't do for themselves. These things could be regular dentist and doctors appointments, getting a flu shot, or eating healthy.
Methods of child rearing have changed dramatically since the last generation was born. It had changed even in the past ten years. There's always a study that shows that if a child skips crawling then they will not have strong math skills. Or, a study that shows that vaccinations cause autism. Or that saying "no" to a child will cause them social issues in their thirties.
Or, sometimes, a baby will just skip crawling.
There is a huge amount of guilt that goes with any decision that is made while raising a child. Along with that guilt, there's the shame of "not getting it right." Mothers hide their hardships from not only family and friends, but from other mothers for fear of being judged and accused of something that they could have changed or avoided.
It takes a village.
If a mother is struggling to get rid of a diaper rash for over a month, or has to put their child in a helmet because he has a flat head, or is still in the breastfeeding battle, it's okay. Most likely, the other mothers around you are having the same issues. Talk about it! Ask questions. You are not alone in these struggles.
Society puts a weighty expectation on mothers. After the emotional and physical trials of bringing a new life into the world, mothers are expected to hit the ground running. They are told, repeatedly, that "instincts will kick in." The fact is, not everything is about experience or instinct. Its about feeling supported and listened to and free and confident to make the decisions that will decide your child's future.
No parent can do this alone.
Remember. It takes a village to not only raise a child, but a parent as well

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Raising a Bicultural Child in the US

Times are changing. Not too long ago, the sight of a mixed couple would generate an upsurge of negative responses. Now, 13% of US marriages are interracial. This is shockingly higher than what is was thirty years ago when only just over 6% of US marriages were interracial.

Relatively speaking, mixed marraiges has only been legal in the US since 1967. This is a surprisingly recent year - most of our parents were already alive when this law was passed. That is something to reflect on.

The world is changing.

The US is a place far different from the place our parents were raised in. It is a different place than generation X, Y, and Z grew up in (the current baby having generations), for that matter. It will continue to change and shift again by the time this year's babies are old enough to have children of their own.

According to the Washington Post, "More than 7 percent of the 3.5 million children born in the year before the 2010 Census were of two or more races, up from barely 5 percent a decade earlier. The number of children born to black and white couples and to Asian and white couples almost doubled." 

Today, children of mixed couples have to be subjected to the questions like "What are you mixed with?" and parents are forced to answer the ever awkward question, "So, what is he?" Although the schoolyard is more accepting of mixed kids than even ten years ago, there is still curiosity and sometimes negative feelings toward them.

The US has long since been a melting pot of culture, language and heritage. Now, in 2014, people are still dividing themselves and each other into ethnic groups. In some places some children may feel forced to choose between races and heritage.

So, what does that mean for today's parents of young children? 

Parents are so much more than caregivers. They are teachers and friends. They are dictionaries, playmates. They are mommies and daddies. Children depend on the adults around them to show them how the world works. It is up to the caregivers to teach children about the places and things that surround them. 

That being said, the challenges of raising a bilingual, bicultural, biracial child is evident almost right away. Before my child reached his first birthday I had already been asked to choose which race my child was. 

Parents of interracial children are forced to cram their children into categories that may not necessarily exist anymore. The US is young. It was advertised as the Land of Opportunity and boy did they come running. As a result of that, its hard to say for certain where anyone really comes from. 

In the twenty-first century it is almost sad that we are still dividing ourselves up after everything that the US had done to fight for equality. They fought for marriage equality, civil rights, equality for women and same sex marriage. 

Although, no one means any harm, the question, "What is your kid mixed with?" can be damaging. It forces the parent and the child to pick a side when the lines are not as clear as they once were. We are a society of boundless technology and intellect. We should be breaking walls and boundaries,  not building them. 

As my husband so eloquently and lovely put it, "My son is part of the human race."

Booby Traps of Babyhood

Even before the first bulges of the pregnant belly show people feel the impulse to give advise, warn against bad things and the ever present, inevitable sentence that every mother or father to be expects and almost always gets...
It starts with, "Don't do..."
Bringing a new person into the world is hard. Once they arrive, it's even harder to keep that little person fed, dry, clean, energized, entertained, rested, dressed - the list goes on. However, after so many sleepless nights, new parents tend to make short cuts.
One of these short cuts is co-sleeping. Especially for breastfeeding mothers, it is far easier to just keep the baby in the bed where it can nurse whenever it wants than to get up several times a night to nurse and then put the baby back in the crib and hope they fall asleep again fast.
It's true that it is easier, but once that baby is older, it will be hard to get them out of the bed. A family bed never hurt anyone, but once that baby gets bigger, its hard to fit everyone. Also, it can cut down on intimacy between partners, among other things.
Another one of these pitfalls is the fast response to fussing. When babies are first born, everything is new and scary. Eating, sleeping, getting dressed, going poop are all foreign things that need to be learned. Once they are older though, (usually around 6 months) baby learns that if they fuss they get attention from mom and dad.
After concentrating on the little person's every need, doctors say to stop honoring their every whim and start denying them. There are few things that are harder than denying a crying baby. Still, as parents we need to toughen up and let them fuss it out. More often than not, they'll stop.
Of course, when parents respond quickly to a baby's cry they build trust with their little one. That trust teaches them to be independent and confident in their surroundings. Still, if parents overreact to every fuss and cry it may hinder the baby's development when it comes to millstones.
For example, if a baby is always being picked up when they fuss, they may not have as strong of a desire as other babies to become mobile and eventually walk on their own.
With breastfeeding mothers, its easy to nurse their baby to sleep. It's fast and effective and most of the time, they stay asleep for long periods of time. However, once baby gets older, they may not be able to fall asleep on their own and stay asleep on their own if they can't self-soothe. As baby grows into a toddler, it will be hard to transition them into a toddler bed if they can't go to sleep without sucking on something. Binkys are the same idea. Ultimately, you want your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep without the help of the nipple.
Parenting is hard. There is no right or wrong with raising a baby. Slowly, new parents learn what methods work best for them and their family. If any or all of these things work for your family, by all means, keep them up. With that said, it is up to the parents to teach the babies about the world. It's up to the parents to teach babies what to eat and when, where to sleep and for how long and what's dangerous and what is safe.

If we don't, how will they learn?

Postpartum Depression: Know the Signs

Having a baby is a life changing experience. After countless doctors visits, baby showers and birthing classes you feel pretty well prepared by the time the baby wants to come. You labor through the pain and frustration of child birth and now you have your wonderful prize - your child.
What happens after?
The words "postpartum depression" (PPD) floats around at the doctors offices and at the hospital, but what does that really mean? There are commercials on the radio and on TV that's narrated by a solemn voice over bleak, black and white video asking if you have the will to live. That definition of depression does not seem to fit postpartum depression.
While pregnant, emotion rages in the body. Once the baby is born, the body works on overhaul to get rid of all those emotions. In addition, the birth itself can trigger feelings of pain, uneasiness, inadequacy, helplessness, anger and dread.
According to the Mayo Clinic,"Many new moms experience the 'baby blues' after childbirth...but some new moms experience a more severe, long-lasting form of depression."
It's hard to decipher the difference between the "baby blues" and full blown postpartum depression. Baby blues are usually severe mood swings and crying spells that fade quickly. Anxiety, lack of sleep and sadness can also be credited to the "baby blues."
Postpartum depression is something more serious. Typical symptoms of this are insomnia, feelings of inadequacy, loss of appetite, disinterest in your baby, intense anger, and even thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.
If gone untreated, postpartum depression can be a real danger. In the UK, a woman laid herself down on a train track until she was run over after giving birth to her son Harrison. Her signs were ignored and she killed herself as a result of that negligence.
Don't dispair. Postpartum depression is sneaky and can take a strong hold on the fiercest and most confidant of women. It does not mean that you are unfit to be a mother or that it is a sign of weakness. It is only natural after such a traumatic experience.
There are simple things that can be done to help relieve the depression. Although it may be hard with a new baby, try to get some shut eye. Leave the baby with Daddy or a trusted care giver and take a nap. A few hours of extra sleep can make all the difference in the world.
Set a side some time for yourself. Take a walk around the block few times, just you. Or have some coffee with a girlfriend. This will give you a break from the 24/7 routine of having a little one to take care of.
Speak to your healthcare provider about how you are feeling and see what they suggest. They see PPD hundreds of times and know the signs and how to help you through it.
You are not alone. Ten to 15% of women suffer from PPD. With help, you will soon learn to accept your new body and welcome your new baby into the world full-heartedly.

Not Vaccinating Our Children Could Be Causing More Harm Than Good

As parents, we want to do what's best for our children. We research and ask questions and disinfect anything in our child's reach. Still, is there such a thing as over protectiveness when it comes to illness?
The saying "a little dirt, don't hurt," however grammatically incorrect, is true to a degree. Children are stronger than we think. Most kids have a security net around them that protects them from horrible illness such as measles, mumps and whooping cough.
But, what if there were holes in that security blanket?
That is what we see happening now in the US. The increasing parent trend of not vaccinating children is causing huge gaps in what doctors call the "herd immunity" areas. That is to say, an area where the majority of children are vaccinated, creating a protective shield around the rest who are not.
According to Massachusetts pediatrician John Snyder, "For example, the herd immunity threshold for measles is approximately 94%. That means that if less than 94% of a community is vaccinated against measles, outbreaks of the disease can begin to spread easily among susceptible members of the community."
In a research study Snyder did he saw that ironically, the pockets of communities that were not vaccinating their children were highly educated and upper classed. They had the power to challenge authority.
Another example of this was in the 2013 flu report from the Center of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). According to their survey, 90% of people infected with the flu last year were in children old enough to be vaccinated, but are not. Sixty per cent of these resulted in pediatric death.
The fear of vaccinations started with a study that claimed that autism could be linked with vaccinations. However, according to the CDC, over the last 15 years, a number of medical institutions have reviewed the evidence not only from the US, but abroad as well, and found no link between autism and vaccinating children.
The hype stemmed from the belief that thimerosal (a common component used in most vaccinations) could over load the small nervous systems of babies and cause autism. Although there was no link between autism and thimerosal, it has since been removed from childhood vaccines in the US.
Still, parents are choosing to not vaccinate their children and themselves. Most decide to opt out due to philosophical or religious reasons, but a shocking amount of parents admit that they don't vaccinate their children because they don't want to cause their children pain.
Doctors are frustrated and even desperate to get people vaccinated, however. In some states you may not be able to work without a flu shot. CDC released a list of 10,000 vaccines that are safe for babies. Some states are even suggesting making all vaccinations a legal requirement.
What it all comes down it is, "Why fight modern science?"
The Spanish Flu killed 50 -100 million people in 1918 (the first known strain of H1N1) and is still killing in the US today. California is experiencing their worst Whooping Cough epidemic since 1947. Measles and mumps are on the rise world wide.
We live in a world of endless possibilities. Modern medicine is saving lives with new advances in surgery and vaccines and treatments every day. There are places outside the US where the people don't have access to modern medicine and children are dying from the measles, or flu, or whooping cough.
Why not take advantage of the fact that we live in a modern society where we have the benefit of modern science and let them save our children's lives?