Circumcision and the Dangers of Misinformation

In 2013 a mother in the UK picked up her then three month old son from her parents' house to find that her son had been circumcised against her knowledge and consent. The distraught mother stated to BBC that her son has had constant pain in his genitals ever since. 

"When he first started talking he did say a lot that it hurt," the mother told BBC.

To have her child circumcised without her consent by someone who obviously didn't know what they were doing is awful. Not being able to cope and care for the situation caused even more distress for the mother and the child. 

The UK mother went on to tell BBC, "If anything good can come of what's happened to my son it's raising a little bit more awareness to the suffering that comes, and giving people that are thinking of circumcising their children a bit of understanding about what they are doing."

For her to say that her child's suffering can raise awareness of the long lasting effects of circumcision is a little misleading. IF DONE PROPERLY circumcision is perfectly safe and, for most, a spiritual obligation. 

In Judaism and Islam, it is a sacred right to circumcise baby male members of the Tribe. Rabbi Aron Moss of Sydney Australia stated in an article for Chabad.org, "The bris {circumcision} is a physical symbol of the relationship between G‑d and the Jewish people. It is a constant reminder of what the Jewish mission entails."

Islam has a similar practice of circumcision for both male and female children. Khitan or khitna is preformed on the seventh day of the child's life. It is widely practiced with male children, but female circumcision in Islam is slowly disappearing. 

In both cases, the bris and the khitan are sacred religious practices no different than a Jewish man wearing a yamaka (traditional male head covering) or a muslim woman wearing a hijab (female head covering). Some may argue that these customs are not harming the body, but for those who practicing members of these communities don't see the ritual as any different than any other custom. 

The Anti-circumcision movement argue that there are no health benefits to circumcising a child and that it will actually hinder the child when they reach adulthood. Despite doctors in the medical field ensuring again and again that there is no long term side effects to male circumcision, people still continue to press on, spreading misinformation and confusing those who are genuinely seeking information on one of the most important decision they'll make for their child. 

According to WebMD, there are no risks to circumcising a child beyond what you'd expect from any open wound: pain at the operation site, bleeding, risk of infection while the wound is open. 

Generally, the medical field state that the health benefits far outweigh the risks of getting the procedure done. Less risk of sexually transmitted diseases and penile cancer are just a few of the health benefits circumcision can offer. 

Similarly, the anti-vaxx movement also spreads misinformation that is causing confusion and is risking lives of children all around the world. Parents are being led to believe that vaccines that help children fight against illnesses that they are not equipped to fight off themselves will cause autism. Even though the doctor that had made these claims has since admitted that he made his study up all together and he has had his medical liscence taken away, the movement still pushes on, bullying and fear mongering parents into not giving vaccinations. 

As a result, children are dying from whooping cough, measles and mumps. It is an outrageous notion in 2017. 

But, the anti-vaxxers are a stern warning of the dangers misinformation can cause. For most who are considering circumcising their children, it is a religious right and privilege. With the medical field backing the procedure stating that there are no risks to circumcision if done properly, it is no one's business what you decide. The decision should be what's best for your family and beliefs. Nothing more. If it's not harming the child, then there is no risk. The decision is between you, your son and G-d.

Harmful Anti-Bactiria

We all do it. Take a child to the park, squeeze a blob of floral smelling hand gel into their little hands and kill the germs that are no doubt lurking on the chain of the swing. This happens when kids are taken to the play area in the mall, the grocery store, the school. It's okay. We all do it. You're protecting your child from all the nasty germs out there, right?

What if you were wrong?

The overuse of antibacterial soaps and hand gels could be causing more harm than good. 

About 75 percent of liquid antibacterial soaps and 30 percent of bars use a chemical called triclosan as an active ingredient. That is the same active ingredient in antibiotics.

 Originally antibacterial soaps were only used in hospitals. But, in the 1990's it was made available to the general public. Since then, studies have shown that antibacterial soaps and gels are helping children build immunities to antibiotics, can hinder the production of thyroid hormone that can result in infidelity, early puberty, obesity and cancer, and are even causing more children to have peanut allergies and hay fever. In fact, the FDA stated that antibacterial soaps don't actually clean better than regular soap and water.

According to the Smithsonian, "the product of decades of research, notes that the costs of antibacterial soaps likely outweigh the benefits, and forces manufacturers to prove otherwise."

In addition to the potential physical dangers of using antibacterial soaps, triclosan is also bad for the environment. The drug does not break down once it is rinsed from the hands. Remnants of it go down the drain and into the water ways. Once there, triclosan hinders algae development. 

To find out more about over use of antibiotics, click here.

So. What is a parent to do?

Don't panic. Most of the negative side effects can be reversed by not using them. Instead, there are a few easy alternatives that will still clean the hands of both children and adults just as well.

Good old, soap and warm water is the quickest and easiest way to ensure that hands are clean after coming in contact with a potentially contaminated area. Be sure that children are washing their hands for 20 seconds or more. Sing a song like the ABCs or "Itsy Bitsy Spider" to help the time pass. 

For the times that soap and water are not available, hand sanitizers like Purell that don't contain triclosan are safe to use. Squeeze a pea sized amount into the palm of the hand and rub it in thoroughly.

Remember, although some bacteria is bad, such as those that cause illness, there are some that our body needs to function. The "good bacteria" that lives in the stomach to help break down food for instants is only one of many ways our bodies use bacteria. If we kill off all bacteria, not only would our bodies not function properly, but we are aiding in creating new and more deadly bacteria that does not respond to even the strongest of our antibiotics. 

So, the next time you reach for your antibacterial soap or hand sanitizer, remember that "more" doesn't always mean "better."

Readying Your Child For Kindergarten

Kindergarten is a considerable and important milestone. Around this time of year, families are typically registering their children for class. Once they do, some parents are presented with the "Kindergarten Readiness Checklist."
This can seem quite daunting. Especially when most parents do not realize that their child is expected to be "ready" for kindergarten. The items listed are things most parent associate with what they expect their children to learn from their kindergarten classroom.
But, don't despair!
What most parent also fail to realize is that they can, and are most likely already in the practice of preparing children at home through every day activities. This can be from holding a pencil (or crayon, marker, whatever!) in the correct manner to empathizing and caring for their peers.

Schools break up their readiness checklists into seven parts:

• Social and emotional maturity 
• Physical abilities
• Language skills
• Cognitive abilities
• Literacy skills
• Math skills
• Knowledge of personal information

The language may seem startling, but these are things that children are doing already, and have most likely been doing them for a long time, without much effort from parents. Abilities such as following two and three step instructions, using toddler scissors, and recognizing shapes, colors and letters of the alphabet are things that most children have been doing on a daily basis by the time they are five-years-old. 

According to Scholastic.com, rather than drilling the ABCs into children heads, kindergarten teachers are looking for learning tendencies, not specific information. 

Kindergarten teachers told Scholastic, "There are equally - if not more - important readiness skills that set the stage for your child's learning. Raising an eager learner is the goal, and it can be achieved easily through play and day-to-day activities." 

Play'n'learn classes are settings where children and parents can learn what is considered to be kindergarten ready through play. In a play setting, stations are set up for children ages 0-5-years-old that are geared to help ready children for school. It is also a place where parents can pick up on the things that they can do at home to help the process along.

Asking a child what color their building block is, helping them hold the crayon the correct way at the craft table, and learning how to share with their peers are only a few things that can be done at home to reinforce what teachers may be looking for once that child enters school. 

Following a set routine, and completing simple tasks that are set at home are also ways that a child will be prepared for kindergarten. Being able to take of their socks off  and put them in the dirty clothes bin is evidence that that child can follow two and three step instructions. 

Community centers and local libraries are the most common places that hold Play'n'learn classes. In addition, Story Times, Circle Times, and Art classes typically available at the local library are excellent environments for children of all ages to get ready for school. Check the local library website calendar to see what's offered. 

No matter how scary or worrying getting a child "kindergarten ready," is, know that they are already well on their way by watching and listening to their parents, caregivers and peers. Through every day activity children can become an eager learner who is excited for the endless amount of discovery that awaits them.

How to Guide Your Child Through a Donald Trump Presidency

Last night we shocked and stunned, not only ourselves, but the world by electing Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States. His fear mongering and bullying somehow shaped the way the US people voted when choosing a leader.
The President of the United States should be an embodiment of who we are as a people. It is impossible to think that the leader of the free world is someone who believes that a woman's body is not her own, that it is not okay to be different, that a disabled person is someone to be resented and scorned and punished. It is inconceivable that a man who lies, whines and pouts like a child until he gets his way in now the President of the United States.
Yet, here we are.
As bleak as that sounds, there is something to be taken away from this catastrophe. When explaining to the children of this nation that they should be a kind, understanding person there is a clear example of what NOT to do.
Bullying and intimidation were ever present during Trump's campaign. It is an important and ever present issue in the school yard, as well. Parents and teachers must protect children from the brutal behavior of other children and adults, but also explain why that behavior is not the best way to go.
The new POTUS has been recorded to say that it was okay to grab women by their genitals whether they like it or not. "Keep your hands to yourself" is a basic principle that should be taught to children. It is the idea that a friend somehow belongs to them that the issue starts. Caregivers must teach children that their bodies belong to themselves and that they have a right to refuse any form of physical contact no matter who wants to give it.
Trump has also been seen mocking and belittling the disabled on national television. Those that are disabled need our compassion, understanding and, in some cases, our help. Model that behavior. Hold open doors, say excuse me and ask someone if they need help if they seem like they need it. Do not allow children to mock and disrespect those who are different than themselves.
Again and again, Trump has demonstrated contempt for Blacks, Muslims, Hispanics, Jews, immigrants from around the world -  anyone who differs from himself. Counteract this inexcusable behavior by incorporating inclusion and the celebration of aspects that are different from themselves. Acceptance and tolerance for those that come from a different background and the understanding that that individuality is to be honored and respected will help lay the foundation for kind and understanding adults.
Every child knows not to tell lies. Yet, this basic knowledge has somehow escaped our new president. In homes and schools the emphasis of always being truthful is important. It teaches children accountability and the value of being transparent and clear when interacting with peers and adults.
Parents shape and mold the children around them. We must teach tolerance and acceptance to the youth of the nation. They may not seem it, but our children are always watching and submitting the behaviors of the adults around them to memory. In this crisis, we must be mindful of our own behavior. We must counteract the negative behavior of our president with the positive behavior we so wish to see in our youth.
Be kind. Be understanding. Be transparent. Remember, that it is in the every day behaviors that change is made.
In the words of Michelle Obama, "When they go low, we go high."

Weaning a Toddler - My $1000 Wake Up Call

At first I hated breastfeeding. I wasn't told how hard it would be. It hurt. My milk sprayed everywhere. My son couldn't get the latch down. I was miserable. I wanted to give up so many times. It was my husband who urged me to keep at it.
He said, "You're a warrior. You're doing the best thing for our son."
So, I did just that. I pushed on. I grit my teeth and forced myself to stay calm and helped our son latch properly. Once he did, (about three months later) everything relaxed and we were free to enjoy the intense bonding that we were promised.

When my son's first birthday came around, I asked his Pediatrician about weaning. Her answer was, if you both want to and are able to you can go for as long as you like. I took that to heart. My son is now three years old. He sleeps in his own bed at night without nursing to sleep, but nap time was always boob time.
I probably would never have stopped if I wasn't forced to. In the end it wasn't the doctors, or my husband or our son who pushed my hand. It was me. My body had betrayed me. I had low blood pressure, low blood sugar and I was anemic. All of my nutrients were going to the little milk my body was able to make and leaving me in starvation mode.
Even with two near fainting episodes only a few months a part, I still nursed. I forced more fluids and kept at it, telling myself that it was only once a day. How much damage can it really do? The answer: A lot.
One day, when I was home alone with my son I experienced such intense dizziness that I couldn't stand. My speech was slurred. The dizziness came and went, each time it returned was worse than the wave before it. Fearing that I would faint, or become unresponsive with more than five hours before my husband came home I did the only thing I could do.
I called 911.
The paramedics came (ka-ching $1000) and they checked me out and asked me questions about my health and my diet and my period. I also consulted with a nurse and a nutritionist and they all came to the same conclusion. The anemia mixed with the breastfeeding had caused me to become unstable.
Having a toddler to feed, I am careful to eat a mix of fruits and veggies and drink lots of water. Even while being carful, I couldn't take in enough for two. There was nothing I could do about the anemia. But there was something I could do about how my body retained nutrients. I had to stop breastfeeding.
Sometimes, I'm lucky and my son falls asleep in the car. He sleeps for anywhere between forty-five minutes and an hour and a half. It's enough for him to recharge. He wakes up and we go about the rest of our day. Other times though, we have to have nap time at home.
There's a lot of crying and pointing at my chest and demanding that I lift my shirt. I lay with him and speak soothingly to him and explain that I don't have any more milk. I'm the perfect picture of calm on the outside. On the inside though, emotions are rampaging. Every inch of me wants to give in and let him nurse, but I know that if I back down now, I'll forever be at my son's mercy.
No. As much as it breaks my heart to give up that closeness and to cause my son such distress, I know that I can't nurse anymore. It's my job as a mother to take care of my son. I feed and clothes him and bathe him and make him get vaccinated. That's my job. I'm his mom.
But as moms, we need to be careful that we don't let the task of caring for our families consume everything else. By concentrating on my family I had neglected one very important thing.
Myself.

The Prepared Parent Trap

It's no secret. Parenthood comes with an alarmingly large amount of guilt. It comes from the parents themselves or from the people around a family. People can't help, but judge other people. The truth is that no matter how much a parent-to-be thinks they are prepared to provide and protect their little person, they simply aren't.
In a resent blog from madameniore.com  a writer gives fifteen ill-informed and all-assuming reasons that are meant to prove that a woman is inept for parenthood. Some of these reasons are getting up late, enjoying nights out and a tendency to buy expensive merchandise. The "proof" given by this writer is shallow and untrue.
There are a lot of dynamic shifting going on when it comes to parenting. As mothers and fathers, seasoned or brand new parents, there is only so much that can be done to prepare for a child. There is so much of child rearing that is unforeseen. It is impossible for anymore to be 100% prepared.
There are plenty of parents who like to party, buy coach and gucci and like to sleep in. That does not make them bad parents. That does not make them unsuited or somehow ill qualified to care for the little person that they brought into the world.
The awful truth is, once the little person has arrived life is dictated by that child (or children). Even those parents who liked to stumble home after a night of drinking only to roll out of bed at 1 pm will rapidly find that those sorts of nights fall away to another kind of sleepless night. It is replaced by a crying, puking, pooping, ever-hungry, adorable little person who desperately needs their parent no matter what time of day (or night) it is.

Even the uber planner family cannot be fully prepared for their coming joy. There are families that have the nursery completely done by the time mom is five months pregnant. The room is jam packed with a crib, change table, organic diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, and stuffed animals that the child can't even see for the first few months of life. Not even careful planning, Pinterest and Google combined can fully prepare a parent for their child.
Being "fully prepared" is a myth.
There is no such thing.
There is a misconception about what parenthood is. Largely, this misconception is kept alive by judgmental, non-parents. It is widely believed that parenthood is a magical state of being that a person needs to reach before they should even allow the word "baby" into their minds.
That is simply false.
Parenthood is not a state of being. It is a process. Parenthood is a grueling, frightening, tiring, frustrating, enraging, surprising, fulfilling, terrifying struggle. There is no wrong or rights. Parenthood does not fit in a box. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Parenthood is an oblong shaped box that pops out one surprise after another. Some of these things that come along or good, but some are bad too. And that's okay.
There are no perfect parents. Only perfect children.

The Double Edged Sword of Individuality and What it Means for Our Kids

We as human beings have long since fought for individuality. The struggle to carve a little piece of uniqueness in the indistinguishable world is real. Out of that fight has emerged a place where most people can celebrate their differences openly and be accepted for them.

But, what if that was a bad thing?

Millennials are changing the way people parent their children. These are parents born between 1980 and 2000. They are highly adaptable and tech-savvy people that try to give their children the chance to be unique and independent while giving them a relaxed routine instead of the more rigid regime of the 1990's.

Parent Co. Magazine reports, "In a generation more ethnically diverse than any other, millennial parents are honing a distinctive parenting style that is defined precisely by its heterogeneity and open-mindedness aimed to cultivate kids’ unique external and internal identity and self-expression."

Most Millennials raise their kids to believe that it is okay to be different. In fact most parents nowadays encourage their kids to break away from the masses and explore their own path. Although this idea seems great on the surface, the damage of concentrating too heavily on our differences is starting to take its toll on society. 

Activist groups like Black Lives Matter (for example) open up the conversation of racism against African Americans, but do little else to help their cause. With the acceptation of the select earnest movement leaders, the group has done more to self-segregate and endorse discrimination against ethnicities other than their own. By pointing out how they are different, they have set themselves a part from the rest of society despite their cries to be treated the same as everyone else. 

Instead of concentrating on how we are different from each other, it is time to consider how we are the same. It is possible to recognize our similarities without sacrificing any of our individuality. Being overly sensitive and fearing things that are deemed "different" is no way to teach the next generation.

Children learn from their surroundings, even when their caregivers don't think they're looking. It is clear that the current way society is thinking is not working. Bullying is running rampant in schools all across the country. There is a global crisis of hate crimes, terrorism, shootings and vandalisms. 

We need to reinforce the idea that we are all the same. Although appearances, culture, language, abilities, religion and other factors may set people a part from each other, deep down we are all the same. Every human being on earth is the same. Instead of lumping people into groups that they may, or may not feel like they belong in, let's teach our children that we are all one group. 

We are all the same in that we are different. We are all that same in that we are unique. We are all the same in that we are all beautiful in our own individual and wonderful way. 

After all, if we are all the same then when we attack each other it will be easier to see that we are actually attacking ourselves.