How to Guide Your Child Through a Donald Trump Presidency

Last night we shocked and stunned, not only ourselves, but the world by electing Donald Trump as the 45th President of the United States. His fear mongering and bullying somehow shaped the way the US people voted when choosing a leader.
The President of the United States should be an embodiment of who we are as a people. It is impossible to think that the leader of the free world is someone who believes that a woman's body is not her own, that it is not okay to be different, that a disabled person is someone to be resented and scorned and punished. It is inconceivable that a man who lies, whines and pouts like a child until he gets his way in now the President of the United States.
Yet, here we are.
As bleak as that sounds, there is something to be taken away from this catastrophe. When explaining to the children of this nation that they should be a kind, understanding person there is a clear example of what NOT to do.
Bullying and intimidation were ever present during Trump's campaign. It is an important and ever present issue in the school yard, as well. Parents and teachers must protect children from the brutal behavior of other children and adults, but also explain why that behavior is not the best way to go.
The new POTUS has been recorded to say that it was okay to grab women by their genitals whether they like it or not. "Keep your hands to yourself" is a basic principle that should be taught to children. It is the idea that a friend somehow belongs to them that the issue starts. Caregivers must teach children that their bodies belong to themselves and that they have a right to refuse any form of physical contact no matter who wants to give it.
Trump has also been seen mocking and belittling the disabled on national television. Those that are disabled need our compassion, understanding and, in some cases, our help. Model that behavior. Hold open doors, say excuse me and ask someone if they need help if they seem like they need it. Do not allow children to mock and disrespect those who are different than themselves.
Again and again, Trump has demonstrated contempt for Blacks, Muslims, Hispanics, Jews, immigrants from around the world -  anyone who differs from himself. Counteract this inexcusable behavior by incorporating inclusion and the celebration of aspects that are different from themselves. Acceptance and tolerance for those that come from a different background and the understanding that that individuality is to be honored and respected will help lay the foundation for kind and understanding adults.
Every child knows not to tell lies. Yet, this basic knowledge has somehow escaped our new president. In homes and schools the emphasis of always being truthful is important. It teaches children accountability and the value of being transparent and clear when interacting with peers and adults.
Parents shape and mold the children around them. We must teach tolerance and acceptance to the youth of the nation. They may not seem it, but our children are always watching and submitting the behaviors of the adults around them to memory. In this crisis, we must be mindful of our own behavior. We must counteract the negative behavior of our president with the positive behavior we so wish to see in our youth.
Be kind. Be understanding. Be transparent. Remember, that it is in the every day behaviors that change is made.
In the words of Michelle Obama, "When they go low, we go high."

Weaning a Toddler - My $1000 Wake Up Call

At first I hated breastfeeding. I wasn't told how hard it would be. It hurt. My milk sprayed everywhere. My son couldn't get the latch down. I was miserable. I wanted to give up so many times. It was my husband who urged me to keep at it.
He said, "You're a warrior. You're doing the best thing for our son."
So, I did just that. I pushed on. I grit my teeth and forced myself to stay calm and helped our son latch properly. Once he did, (about three months later) everything relaxed and we were free to enjoy the intense bonding that we were promised.

When my son's first birthday came around, I asked his Pediatrician about weaning. Her answer was, if you both want to and are able to you can go for as long as you like. I took that to heart. My son is now three years old. He sleeps in his own bed at night without nursing to sleep, but nap time was always boob time.
I probably would never have stopped if I wasn't forced to. In the end it wasn't the doctors, or my husband or our son who pushed my hand. It was me. My body had betrayed me. I had low blood pressure, low blood sugar and I was anemic. All of my nutrients were going to the little milk my body was able to make and leaving me in starvation mode.
Even with two near fainting episodes only a few months a part, I still nursed. I forced more fluids and kept at it, telling myself that it was only once a day. How much damage can it really do? The answer: A lot.
One day, when I was home alone with my son I experienced such intense dizziness that I couldn't stand. My speech was slurred. The dizziness came and went, each time it returned was worse than the wave before it. Fearing that I would faint, or become unresponsive with more than five hours before my husband came home I did the only thing I could do.
I called 911.
The paramedics came (ka-ching $1000) and they checked me out and asked me questions about my health and my diet and my period. I also consulted with a nurse and a nutritionist and they all came to the same conclusion. The anemia mixed with the breastfeeding had caused me to become unstable.
Having a toddler to feed, I am careful to eat a mix of fruits and veggies and drink lots of water. Even while being carful, I couldn't take in enough for two. There was nothing I could do about the anemia. But there was something I could do about how my body retained nutrients. I had to stop breastfeeding.
Sometimes, I'm lucky and my son falls asleep in the car. He sleeps for anywhere between forty-five minutes and an hour and a half. It's enough for him to recharge. He wakes up and we go about the rest of our day. Other times though, we have to have nap time at home.
There's a lot of crying and pointing at my chest and demanding that I lift my shirt. I lay with him and speak soothingly to him and explain that I don't have any more milk. I'm the perfect picture of calm on the outside. On the inside though, emotions are rampaging. Every inch of me wants to give in and let him nurse, but I know that if I back down now, I'll forever be at my son's mercy.
No. As much as it breaks my heart to give up that closeness and to cause my son such distress, I know that I can't nurse anymore. It's my job as a mother to take care of my son. I feed and clothes him and bathe him and make him get vaccinated. That's my job. I'm his mom.
But as moms, we need to be careful that we don't let the task of caring for our families consume everything else. By concentrating on my family I had neglected one very important thing.
Myself.

The Prepared Parent Trap

It's no secret. Parenthood comes with an alarmingly large amount of guilt. It comes from the parents themselves or from the people around a family. People can't help, but judge other people. The truth is that no matter how much a parent-to-be thinks they are prepared to provide and protect their little person, they simply aren't.
In a resent blog from madameniore.com  a writer gives fifteen ill-informed and all-assuming reasons that are meant to prove that a woman is inept for parenthood. Some of these reasons are getting up late, enjoying nights out and a tendency to buy expensive merchandise. The "proof" given by this writer is shallow and untrue.
There are a lot of dynamic shifting going on when it comes to parenting. As mothers and fathers, seasoned or brand new parents, there is only so much that can be done to prepare for a child. There is so much of child rearing that is unforeseen. It is impossible for anymore to be 100% prepared.
There are plenty of parents who like to party, buy coach and gucci and like to sleep in. That does not make them bad parents. That does not make them unsuited or somehow ill qualified to care for the little person that they brought into the world.
The awful truth is, once the little person has arrived life is dictated by that child (or children). Even those parents who liked to stumble home after a night of drinking only to roll out of bed at 1 pm will rapidly find that those sorts of nights fall away to another kind of sleepless night. It is replaced by a crying, puking, pooping, ever-hungry, adorable little person who desperately needs their parent no matter what time of day (or night) it is.

Even the uber planner family cannot be fully prepared for their coming joy. There are families that have the nursery completely done by the time mom is five months pregnant. The room is jam packed with a crib, change table, organic diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, and stuffed animals that the child can't even see for the first few months of life. Not even careful planning, Pinterest and Google combined can fully prepare a parent for their child.
Being "fully prepared" is a myth.
There is no such thing.
There is a misconception about what parenthood is. Largely, this misconception is kept alive by judgmental, non-parents. It is widely believed that parenthood is a magical state of being that a person needs to reach before they should even allow the word "baby" into their minds.
That is simply false.
Parenthood is not a state of being. It is a process. Parenthood is a grueling, frightening, tiring, frustrating, enraging, surprising, fulfilling, terrifying struggle. There is no wrong or rights. Parenthood does not fit in a box. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Parenthood is an oblong shaped box that pops out one surprise after another. Some of these things that come along or good, but some are bad too. And that's okay.
There are no perfect parents. Only perfect children.