Raising a Bicultural Child in the US

Times are changing. Not too long ago, the sight of a mixed couple would generate an upsurge of negative responses. Now, 13% of US marriages are interracial. This is shockingly higher than what is was thirty years ago when only just over 6% of US marriages were interracial.

Relatively speaking, mixed marraiges has only been legal in the US since 1967. This is a surprisingly recent year - most of our parents were already alive when this law was passed. That is something to reflect on.

The world is changing.

The US is a place far different from the place our parents were raised in. It is a different place than generation X, Y, and Z grew up in (the current baby having generations), for that matter. It will continue to change and shift again by the time this year's babies are old enough to have children of their own.

According to the Washington Post, "More than 7 percent of the 3.5 million children born in the year before the 2010 Census were of two or more races, up from barely 5 percent a decade earlier. The number of children born to black and white couples and to Asian and white couples almost doubled." 

Today, children of mixed couples have to be subjected to the questions like "What are you mixed with?" and parents are forced to answer the ever awkward question, "So, what is he?" Although the schoolyard is more accepting of mixed kids than even ten years ago, there is still curiosity and sometimes negative feelings toward them.

The US has long since been a melting pot of culture, language and heritage. Now, in 2014, people are still dividing themselves and each other into ethnic groups. In some places some children may feel forced to choose between races and heritage.

So, what does that mean for today's parents of young children? 

Parents are so much more than caregivers. They are teachers and friends. They are dictionaries, playmates. They are mommies and daddies. Children depend on the adults around them to show them how the world works. It is up to the caregivers to teach children about the places and things that surround them. 

That being said, the challenges of raising a bilingual, bicultural, biracial child is evident almost right away. Before my child reached his first birthday I had already been asked to choose which race my child was. 

Parents of interracial children are forced to cram their children into categories that may not necessarily exist anymore. The US is young. It was advertised as the Land of Opportunity and boy did they come running. As a result of that, its hard to say for certain where anyone really comes from. 

In the twenty-first century it is almost sad that we are still dividing ourselves up after everything that the US had done to fight for equality. They fought for marriage equality, civil rights, equality for women and same sex marriage. 

Although, no one means any harm, the question, "What is your kid mixed with?" can be damaging. It forces the parent and the child to pick a side when the lines are not as clear as they once were. We are a society of boundless technology and intellect. We should be breaking walls and boundaries,  not building them. 

As my husband so eloquently and lovely put it, "My son is part of the human race."

Booby Traps of Babyhood

Even before the first bulges of the pregnant belly show people feel the impulse to give advise, warn against bad things and the ever present, inevitable sentence that every mother or father to be expects and almost always gets...
It starts with, "Don't do..."
Bringing a new person into the world is hard. Once they arrive, it's even harder to keep that little person fed, dry, clean, energized, entertained, rested, dressed - the list goes on. However, after so many sleepless nights, new parents tend to make short cuts.
One of these short cuts is co-sleeping. Especially for breastfeeding mothers, it is far easier to just keep the baby in the bed where it can nurse whenever it wants than to get up several times a night to nurse and then put the baby back in the crib and hope they fall asleep again fast.
It's true that it is easier, but once that baby is older, it will be hard to get them out of the bed. A family bed never hurt anyone, but once that baby gets bigger, its hard to fit everyone. Also, it can cut down on intimacy between partners, among other things.
Another one of these pitfalls is the fast response to fussing. When babies are first born, everything is new and scary. Eating, sleeping, getting dressed, going poop are all foreign things that need to be learned. Once they are older though, (usually around 6 months) baby learns that if they fuss they get attention from mom and dad.
After concentrating on the little person's every need, doctors say to stop honoring their every whim and start denying them. There are few things that are harder than denying a crying baby. Still, as parents we need to toughen up and let them fuss it out. More often than not, they'll stop.
Of course, when parents respond quickly to a baby's cry they build trust with their little one. That trust teaches them to be independent and confident in their surroundings. Still, if parents overreact to every fuss and cry it may hinder the baby's development when it comes to millstones.
For example, if a baby is always being picked up when they fuss, they may not have as strong of a desire as other babies to become mobile and eventually walk on their own.
With breastfeeding mothers, its easy to nurse their baby to sleep. It's fast and effective and most of the time, they stay asleep for long periods of time. However, once baby gets older, they may not be able to fall asleep on their own and stay asleep on their own if they can't self-soothe. As baby grows into a toddler, it will be hard to transition them into a toddler bed if they can't go to sleep without sucking on something. Binkys are the same idea. Ultimately, you want your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep without the help of the nipple.
Parenting is hard. There is no right or wrong with raising a baby. Slowly, new parents learn what methods work best for them and their family. If any or all of these things work for your family, by all means, keep them up. With that said, it is up to the parents to teach the babies about the world. It's up to the parents to teach babies what to eat and when, where to sleep and for how long and what's dangerous and what is safe.

If we don't, how will they learn?