Who Mommy Groups are Really For

We all know how important it is for small children to get together with other children around their age. Socialization and development depends on the interactions that small children experience. These developments can be anything from simply being "okay" with being near another small baby to mimicking sounds that another child makes, or learning to share.
What isn't widely spoken about is how important these groups can be for the parents as well.
Motherhood can be isolating. This is especially the case when a mom or dad decides to stay at home with their new bundle of joy. Although parents are delighted that they get to spend as much time with their child as possible, allowing them to record every cute move their baby makes and posting them on Facebook as fast as their hands can manage, it can be hard and stressful.
Dangerous questions start to arise like, "what am I doing wrong?" and guilty thoughts like, "I'm such a bad parent" flood the brain. The important thing is to know that no parent is alone in these everyday, sometimes every minute struggles.
Here is where mommy groups come in.
Going to the park and simply interacting with other moms can relieve the stress and doubts that weigh parents down. Seeing that there are many different types of children that develop in their own time can help ease the worries and inadequacies that parents feel. If anything, it forces you to get dressed and leave the house for a little while.
Playgroups are another way to socialize your child and for parents to talk to each other. Gymboree, The Little Gym and community centers and YMCAs are great places to start. These places focus on a child's development while making it fun and stimulating for them. At the same time, parents bond over their children and can quickly identify how they play with other children.
Future playdate, anyone?
Of course it isn't always simple finding the right playgroup or mommy group. For some, it can be a major chore just to leave the house. If this is the case, start simple. When out for a walk in the neighborhood, or at the local Starbucks, if you pass another mom, say "hi." Speaking to a complete stranger about something as precious as your child can be scary, but once you open up (and have your kids interact) something mutually beneficial may blossom - Support.
After interacting with other moms you will quickly find that they are just as eager to establish connections with other moms as you are. This can especially be the case when a parent was used to working everyday and is now staying home all day with a little helpless creature to take care of. It can be a hard adjustment to make. Talking about these feelings with someone who can completely understand where you're coming from an help ease the burden that a lot of new parents feel.
Guilt, loneliness, shame, and fear all come with the territory of parenting. What counts is how you deal with these emotions. Sometimes, reaching out to your partner is not enough. Sometimes you just need to feel apart of something bigger than your house, and your baby and your worries. Sometimes, you just need someone to smile at you and say, "hi."

The Hidden Shame of Motherhood - an Inward Struggle

There are many emotions that come with having and raising a baby - fear, love, devotion, obsession, worry, but there is one emotion that moms are not always ready for. Shame.
The expression "it takes a village" can not be more relevant to raising a child. There are so many things out there that say what is good for our children and what is bad. There are decisions that need to be made. These decisions are not about yourself anymore. They are about the welfare and future of this little person that you brought into the world.
Should I circumcise my son?
Should we vaccinate our children?
Are my kids getting enough to eat?
Why won't this rash go away?
Along with all the feelings that come with struggling with these issues comes a large dose of judging. A lot of times, that judging comes from well-intenting fellow parents. On the other hand, a large amount of those judging comments and meaningful looks come from people who have never had children.
It's enough to get to anyone!
Social media is another source of shame and guilt. What mother (and sometimes father) doesn't have their pages and the pages of their close friends and family littered with pictures of their children laughing, playing with the dog, chasing after an other friend, or playing at the park. This is especially true when one parent is at home and the other is working.
Still, these pictures and videos can be deadly. To watch what other kids the exact same age are doing can make mothers feel guilty and inadequate. Dangerous questions flood the brain after watching a twenty second video of a 9 month old standing by themselves. You look at your eleven month old who is not even crawling yet and wonder the most treacherous question.
What did I do wrong?
The answer is NOTHING. There are so many methods out there on how to raise a child, but none of them are wrong. Parents are responsible to making tough decisions. A lot of times, they are forced to put into practice things that they don't do for themselves. These things could be regular dentist and doctors appointments, getting a flu shot, or eating healthy.
Methods of child rearing have changed dramatically since the last generation was born. It had changed even in the past ten years. There's always a study that shows that if a child skips crawling then they will not have strong math skills. Or, a study that shows that vaccinations cause autism. Or that saying "no" to a child will cause them social issues in their thirties.
Or, sometimes, a baby will just skip crawling.
There is a huge amount of guilt that goes with any decision that is made while raising a child. Along with that guilt, there's the shame of "not getting it right." Mothers hide their hardships from not only family and friends, but from other mothers for fear of being judged and accused of something that they could have changed or avoided.
It takes a village.
If a mother is struggling to get rid of a diaper rash for over a month, or has to put their child in a helmet because he has a flat head, or is still in the breastfeeding battle, it's okay. Most likely, the other mothers around you are having the same issues. Talk about it! Ask questions. You are not alone in these struggles.
Society puts a weighty expectation on mothers. After the emotional and physical trials of bringing a new life into the world, mothers are expected to hit the ground running. They are told, repeatedly, that "instincts will kick in." The fact is, not everything is about experience or instinct. Its about feeling supported and listened to and free and confident to make the decisions that will decide your child's future.
No parent can do this alone.
Remember. It takes a village to not only raise a child, but a parent as well

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