The Power of Three - On "Only" Having One Child

It starts around 15 months:

"When are you staring on number two?"

"You have to have another one!"

"That's just cruel."

"But, he'll be alone after you die."

These are only a fraction of what families with only children will hear. The pressure to expand the family beyond "just" one child can be stifling and overwhelming. The social expectation for children is astounding. You are not only expected to have one child, but two or more or else you are considered selfish, cruel and somehow incomplete. 

Avital Nathman wrote for Time magazine, "I knew we were already happy. And that he [our son] was also a truly happy kid, despite his wish [for another baby]. His life, and ours, wasn’t “less” because of not having more."

Single child families are on the rise, jumping from 10% in 1976 to 18% today. Reasons for this are infertility, usually when families wait too long before having children and families feeling like they don't make enough to support two children. Things seem even more bleak with more and more moms deciding to stay home with their children instead of putting them in dare care.
Still close friends and family and strangers alike feel compelled to express their concerns about single children. There are stigmas about single children. It is said that only children are lonely, spoiled, and unable to play well with others. 

Dr. Susan Newman, psychologist and author of The Case of the Only Child: Your Essential Guide, conducted a study of single child families and found that, "the studies all show that only children are not spoiled. They're no more lonely than other children, and they actually make as many friends as children with siblings." 

And yet, people insist that single child families are somehow unfinished and the parents are somehow self-obsorbed. The pressure may build with not only the frequent questions, but with the families that had their first children together all starting on their second children. The excitement of trying and learning that families are pregnant may stir the need to have more.
This may not be a good pretense for having another. The eagerness to jump on the baby-having band wagon may have less to do with actually wanting a second child and more to do with wanting to keep up with the group. Children are a life long commitment. The reason for having children should never come down to, "Well, everyone else is doing it..."
Remember, no one knows what is right for one family or another except for those involved. What may work for some families might not work for others. No two families are exactly alike. No one would know better than the families themselves. 
The pressure can be heavy. The questions intensify and become more harsh and invasive after the first baby turns 18 months old. Although some can be down-right insulting, try not to take it to heart. Usually, it is just out of concern.
There is a lot of talk about selfishness when it comes to children. It is not selfish to have only one child or to have no children at all. In a free society, where we are able to be who we are without fear of reticule is what it means to live in the 21st century (at least if you live in the Western World).
 Not everyone can or should have kids.
Not everyone can or should have more than one child.
So, next time someone feels inclined to comment on your family size, look at them straight in the eye and say, "Never underestimate the power of three."

Holiday Sharing in an Interfaith Family

Ah, the holidays. It's a time of year when you can't help, but hear 374 different versions of "Let it Snow." It's a time of year for gift giving and and the high stress of family gatherings. For a lot of people it is also a religious time.
But, what happens if there are more than one religion at home? 
In an article posted on everydaylife.com the writer pointed out that, "raising children in an interfaith household provides parents with a unique opportunity to celebrate both faiths and honor their children's religious heritage."
Still, there are some scruples about educating a child in multiple religions. At the top of the list, some say that two or more faiths can confuse a child, force them to pick one parent over the other or have incomplete knowledge of both religions.  
According to Susan Katz Miller in her post 7 Myths About Raising Interfaith Kids, she stated in respect to Christian and Jewish interfaith families, "Interfaith children raised in both religions often take on the role of interfaith interpreters, or bridge-builders. At a Bat Mitzvah, they can explain Jewish prayers and rituals to their Christian friends. At a Christian confirmation, they can explain prayers and rituals to their Jewish friends."
A 2009 study shows that one third of families in the U.S, or 35%, recognize themselves as interfaith. The study shows that Jews and Christians lay the foundation for interfaith couples and families. 
There are easy ways to share the December holidays when raising an interfaith child. Lighting the Chanukah candles in the glow of the Christmas tree can be a great opportunity to discuss the importance and equality of both faiths. When a family celebrates the holidays side by side they'd be surprised at how many customs overlap. At least when it comes to Judeo-Christian faith. 



If religion is subtracted from the holiday season, what's left? Togetherness, gift giving, food, family, happiness and cheer. Now, insert each religion back in one at a time. See that? The holiday season is about the miracle of G-d. But, it is also about togetherness, gift giving, food, family, happiness and cheer.
Although the details may be different, overall, the December holidays may have more in common than you think.

Kim Kardashian Breaking the Internet with Her Mom Body

Recently Paper Magazine and Kim Kardashian set up to "break the internet" with pictures of the new mother in all her naked glory. It's not clear if they succeeded or even what that means, but there is one thing to be said about Kim and her naked booty.
You go girl!
New mothers have countless struggles including body image issues. Some that go from a size 2 to a size 14 stay that way despite vigorous workouts and fad diets. Add postpartum depression and sleep deprivation and its a whole new ugly story.
Not surprisingly, Kim has gotten considerable backlash for her shoot with Paper. Most people saying that the nude photos were "trashy" and "tasteless."
One commenter stated, "You know, I've always thought Kim Kardashian was a gorgeous woman, but she truly shows how little class she has..you're a mother now Kim, if you can't have respect for yourself at least have it for your daughter."  
There is nothing disrespecting about the human body in all it's natural or enhanced states. This is especially true for mothers. To have the confidence to take nude pictures of your body after going through the brutal change of not only pregnancy, but child birth is nothing short of amazing and deserves respect.
According to biomedical, "Pregnancy and childbirth are associated with weight gain in women, and retention of weight gained during pregnancy can lead to obesity in later life. Diet and physical activity are factors that can influence the loss of retained pregnancy weight after birth."
While it's true that, like most celebrities, Kim no doubt had an army of nannies, personal trainers and nutritionists to help her get back into shape after having little North, that does not take away from her accomplishments. She grew a person, brought her into the world and then got her body back.
You flaunt that mama body, Kim!
Just because a woman becomes a mother that does not mean that everything that made up who she was before disappears. The woman who was a daughter, sister, friend, artist, writer, reader or whatever else that makes up a person does not become invalid because she is now a mother.
It adds to her.
She is now a mother, along with all those other things that make up the human condition. The idea that the identity that existed before motherhood disappearing after the baby comes is reinforced by questions like, "How does it feel to be a mom?"
That is a loaded question. It suggests that new moms feel different than they did before the baby was born. In some aspects she does. Sleep deprivation, fear, loneliness, anxiety are at the top of the list, but essentially, they are the same person they were before giving birth, only now they have a small person to take care of.
Just because Kim is a mother doesn't mean that who she was before doesn't exist anymore. She is still who she was before her child was born, take it or leave it.
If anything, motherhood has seemed to improve her a little. This photo shoot shows that mothers don't have to be hidden behind the nun's habit. The naked body is nothing to be ashamed of. After all, it's only natural.

The Qualms of Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is intimate and private. It gives a chance for mother and child to bond. It offers security and comfort to the child while providing essential nutrients that the baby needs to grow up big and strong.
The question is, if breastfeeding is so wonderful, why is there so much negativity toward it?
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, doctors suggest that woman breastfeed for the first six months of their baby's life. Although, most pediatricians advise that woman breastfeed as long as two years of life.
It is the personal choice of the parents and child who is being breastfed. If a mother chooses to breastfeed into toddlerhood it is her personal choice. That being said, there is a lot of disapproval from society when it comes to toddlers and breastfeeding.
Recently, a breastfeeding mother was kicked off a Delta airlines flight for not necessarily breastfeeding her child, but for not moving her sleeping 2.5 year old from her breast to her car seat fast enough for the flight attendant.

For anyone who has traveled with a toddler, they know that if that child is sleeping, you do your best to keep them that way when on an airplane or in a car. The mother had explained to the flight attendant that she was moving as fast as she could. When that wasn't enough, the flight attendant told the mother to gather her things and escorted her off the plane, leaving her stranded.
When the mother's partner called the airline to complain, the representative stated, "Why is a 2.5 year old breastfeeding, anyway?"
The answer, of course, is obvious:
That's none of your business.
Sadly, this is not an isolated incident. Not only for Delta, (there have been other times where flight attendants kicked breastfeeding moms off flight for indecently) but in society as a whole. There is general negativity when it comes to breastfeeding and moms. This is especially the case when breastfeeding in public.
People are apposed to mothers breastfeeding in public because they say that it violates the public nudity laws. This is 2014. Women walk around showing more skin than a breastfeeding mother and yet they aren't asked to cover up. Most mothers do cover while they are breastfeeding, even though the law does not require them to.
Nation wide, mothers have the right to breastfeed their child in public, i.e. parks, restaurants, schools, bus stops and where ever else mother feel the need without covering up.

This goes for toddlers, too. Most kids will call the shots. Even with their growing independence, some toddlers still need that closeness past the age of one. Not to mention the health benefits of "extended breastfeeding" such as protection from illness for mom and baby, brain boost, and comfort.
So, as long as it is working for both mother and child, go ahead and breastfeed past the age of one if you want to.
And for all the Negative Nancys that feel that they have the right to comment, that's not really your business, now is it?

Finding the Balance

You hear it all the time. After the baby comes the new parents' lives completely shift from being all about each other to all about the new addition to the family. Date nights and sleeping in disappears with the 6 o'clock wake up call from the crib and crashing after the baby is asleep.
Luxuries like getting a manicure or hair styled?
Forget it!
That being said, having a baby does not mean that the identities and dynamics that the new parents had totally disappear. It's important for not only parenthood, but for partnership to maintain a sense of self.
Although babies can be very demanding and time consuming, it's important to remember that marriage is not only a partnership in aspects to parenting. There is a balance between all that it means to be a parent and where a couple was before the baby came.
In a blog that appeared on babycenter.com the blogger stated, " Just a few months ago I caught myself forcefully begging Ryan [my husband] to pay attention to me for once! Say ‘hi’ to me first once. When did I become a second class citizen in this house? Weeks of no makeup and a wardrobe filled with sweats was beginning to take a toll on my self esteem as a woman."
It's hard. People have lives to live and when children come into the equation it's hard to let in anything else. Still, for the health of both the individuals and the household on a whole, take some time to do adult things. Even if it has to be after the kids are already asleep. Ask about each other's days. Talk about something else besides what the kids did that day.
Not everything needs to fall on the dad either. The fall out that a lot of married couples feel after the baby comes is no one's fault. It happens. The demands of the baby are louder than the demands of each other's. Find time for each other.

Don't disappear. Here are some things to try:
Try saying hello to your partner first and your baby(s) second. It sounds hard to "put baby second" but you have two loved ones that have been apart from you all day and are anxious for your attention.
Compliment and encourage your partner. So what if she's still in the same yoga pants you left her in when you left the house 12 hours ago? It may have been that kind of day.
Be sensitive to your partner's mood. Although she may have been home in her yoga pants all day, she still had a long and tiring day.
Go on a date! Once a week, or once a month, it doesn't matter how frequent. Take some adult time and actively try to not only talk about your children.
Have sex. Don't forget about that! No one what's to "pencil in" sex, but if that what it takes, do it. Both you and your partner will be happier for it.

What it boils down to is making time for each other. Family life can be all consuming, but you can't neglect your individual needs. The little things will keep piling until you feel unappreciated and neglected. Open communication and compassion can go a really long way.

8 Ways to Protect Your Family Against Flu and Other Dangerous Illness

The world is sick. Super viruses are raging all over the world, adding new danger to the already feared flu season. Households with small children are especially likely to visit the emergency room at some point during this year's flu season.
According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), "Flu activity most commonly peaks in the U.S. between December and February. However, seasonal flu activity can begin as early as October and continue to occur as late as May."

Here are some quick, commonsense things that can be done to reduce the likelihood of getting sick.
1. Don't share any food or drink with someone who appears to be sick.
2. Wash your hands with soap and water for at least 20 seconds to kill germs.
3. Stay home if you are sick.
4. Eat a lot of "super greens" such as spinach and kale.
5. Disinfect commonly touched surfaces such as door nobs and other handles.
6. Try not to worry. Worry is scientifically proven to lower the immune system which will enable more sickness to effect the body.
7. Get a flu shot
8. Avoid touching the eyes, nose and mouth.

Growing concern of the Ebola virus is rising in the US since the flu and Ebola have similar symptoms. USA Today provides some piece of mind for US residents who fear that as the flu season sets in, they won't be able to tell the difference between Ebola and the regular flu.
Here's what you need to know:
Week one of Flu - regular cold like systems along with fever and fatigue (just like Ebola)
Week two - still feeling the same systems as week one, while Ebola patients would likely be vomiting blood.
Week three - starting to feel better, while Ebola patients are likely to have internal bleeding, seizers and possible death. (the US Ebola survival rate is about 50/50)

However scary the Ebola virus may seem, it is extremely hard to catch it. Direct contact with bodily fluids such as blood or vomit is required. The Ebola virus is NOT air borne. Still, a little diligence does not hurt as flu season 2014-15 rears it's ugly head.

Another virus to look out for, and is far more likely to be contracted, is the super virus D68. The CDC states,  "In the United States, people are more likely to get infected with enteroviruses in the summer and fall. CDC expects, as with other enteroviruses, that EV-D68 infections will likely begin to decline by late fall."

Still, with Ebola like symptoms as well, it's good to know the signs. Children with a history of wheezing or other respiratory distress while sick are particularly vulnerable. King5 News in Washington states that 22 states have confirmed cases on D68. This number has jumped from Tuesday when it was reported that only 11 states had been affected by enterovirus D68.

The key is to not be paranoid, but to use care as the 2014-15 flu season kicks in. Stay calm, and use commonsense tactics to keep sickness at bay, may it be a common cold or flu or the dreaded Ebola virus. At the end of it all, no one likes to be sick.

Ode to Daddy

When a woman has a baby she is overflowed with emotions and expectations. The harshest of these expectations comes from herself. She instantly feels the need to immediately be an expert in everything that is her baby. This behavior seems to be essential in the early months of her newborn's life.
However, as her child grows more independent it may be hard to remember that she is not, and never was, alone. There was another person who made it their business to be an instant expert in everything that is her child. From bathing to changing diapers, to fevers to feedings, this person has been there as well.
Daddy.
It's true that a lot of the care for a new baby falls on the mother. This is especially the case with breastfeeding and/or stay-at-home moms. Every moment of every day and night is centered around the small person that has recently come into the world. As a result, it may be hard to remember that Daddy can take care of baby just as well as Mommy.
Feelings of attachment often originate in the womb. A woman goes through a miraculous change while pregnant. According to Tracy Rosecrans of heartline.com, "Pregnancy is [a] time of great physical and emotional change for women."
The 40 weeks of pregnancy is plenty of time to set a woman up to feel like it all rests on her shoulders since all the changes are happening to her body and hers alone.
Society puts a lot of pressure on mothers to fully support and raise their child without any help. There is a heavy expectation that is implied in the early days after birth - your maternal instincts will kick in and you will magically know how to raise a little person (even if you've never been around a small person before...it's that magical) or you're a bad mother.
With guidelines like these, it's hard to remember that there is another person there worrying and dotting over that small person.
Yep, you guessed it - Daddy.
Doctors Richard and Jan Hanson stated that the village it takes to raise a child seems more like a ghost town these days. In their column "Mother Nurture" they say, "The amount of mental and physical work that comes with children is staggering. It ranges from figuring out what color to paint the new baby's bedroom while you're pregnant to -- eighteen years later -- helping him pack for college." 
What's the remedy? Share the load.
This isn't always easy. One of the first things that is told to a new mother is "establish a routine for your child" but that doesn't always include the father. As time passes and the routine becomes sacred it's hard to have confidence in the ability of the father.
The issue of course is not in the ability of the father's child caring skills. It's in the ability of the mother to let go and share the day to day tasks with your partner.
Let go!
It's important for all parents to have a little "Me Time." Everyone gets burnt out. To share the load is to get a little time to yourself. Even if it's just ten or fifteen minutes a day. Use that time to unwind and regroup.
Start with delegating some of the tasks. Assign some of the daily routine to your partner like the bath, getting dressed, story time or a walk. It may be hard at first, but they have been with baby from the beginning as well. More often than not, perhaps even more so with working parents, it gives them a chance to bond with baby since they've been away all day.
So, Daddy - take control of some tasks. Although Mommy may seem a little wary at first, know that it has less to do with her doubting your ability to care for your child and more to do with her inability to release some of the responsibility and sharing the load.

Why "All About That Bass" Is Awesome

The song "All About That Bass" by the 20-year-old Meghan Trainor is heard from the radio to the dance class at the gym. The question is, "why is that?"
Because it's awesome!
Meghan gives voice to all the young girls who are distraught that they don't look like the girls in the magazines. With a strong, beautiful voice and a beat you can't help, but dance to Meghan states plain and clear:
"Cuz every inch of you is perfect, from the bottom to the top."
What tweens and teens don't realize is that the reason they don't look like the girls in the fashion magazines is because the models are fictional. If the girls saw what the models looked like before they were Photoshopped they might feel a little better about themselves.
The song states, "I see the magazines working' that Photoshop. We know that sh*t ain't real. C'mon know, make it stop!"
What's great about that lyric is that it calls out the fashion industry for fabricating beauty which keeps little girls buying their products to look "beautiful." But, what they don't know is that they will never achieve it, since their base of beauty is physically impossible.
Surprisingly, Meghen has received some backlash. One blogger writes for the Feministing stated that the newly declared woman's anthem "All About That Bass" is disappointing. In response to the first verse where Meghan talks about accepting her curvy body, this blogger states, "No need to worry about failing to meet the standard of beauty imposed by the fashion industry, she meets the one imposed by men. Phew, that’s a relief!"
Although both forcing yourself into what the fashion industry claims in beautiful and forcing yourself into the image of what a man might think is beautiful are bad, (no girl of any age should force themselves into any sort of image) To say that you are curvy and that's beautiful is ultimately what she's saying in the song.
The blogger for Feministing goes to say, "OK, but are women who don’t have boom boom disqualified from having beauty? Is beauty the same thing as boom boom?"
This verse states what Meghan Trainor is trying to say. You are perfect the way you are. She is not disqualifying anyone. She is working off the pretense that skinny girls are generally considered beautiful more than curvy ones. Meghan states it clear as day in the first line of the song:
"Yeah, it's pretty clear. I ain't no size 2."
According to USA Today, "Psychologists and eating-disorder experts are worried about the same thing. They say the fashion industry has gone too far in pushing a dangerously thin image that women, and even very young girls, may try to emulate."
The article goes on to say that there are increases in eating disorders in young girls who are trying to lose weight to look like the models depicted in the magazines. The scary thing is that it isn't all photoshop. The lanky, "willowy" look of today's model's has been declared unhealthy by other fashion industry leaders in places like Spain and India.
Girls have enough trouble as it is trying to feel comfortable in their own skin. If a song like "All About That Bass" helps them, then good! So what if the lyrics are little shallow in places? If anything, the song opens the doors for the conversations that we should be having with our young girls about what is beautiful and what is just plain fabricated.

And Now for a Personal Piece - RE: Dear White Mom

Recently, there was another mom blog "BonBon Break" that was brought to my attention on FaceBook. The entry that caught my eye was titled: Dear White Mom. In this entry, a Black mother asks the White Mom to please educate their white children about the hardships that Black children experience on a daily basis since there is no way that a white child would ever experience any racism of their own.
She states: "Talk to your family about what their black and brown friends might experience that they don’t have to. Teach your family to empathize with, and give the benefit of the doubt to, people whose world and experience is far outside their own." 
This entry on BonBob Break was inspired by what happened in Ferguson, Mo. An unarmed Black man was shot and killed by police officers. The writer states her fears that racism against African-Americans is growing in the US and she fears for her little man at home.
A very valid fear.
Although the majority of racism in the US is against African-Americans, there are plenty of racism and acts of prejudice among other cultures. We cannot ask for action against one and totally ignore, and in this woman's case, out right deny the existence of another.
There are many factors that, it would seem, this woman forgot. The entry implies that white moms only give birth to white children. It is a proven fact that there have been increases in interracial marriages that resulted in children in the US. Even with that fact put aside, the US is a melting pot of ethnicity, culture and diversity.

Another startling suggestion from this piece was that white children will never in their lives experience racism. That statement is in and of itself, racist.
To deny that there is racism against white people, especially among children, is down right insulting. Although it is significantly less, it does exist. The common attitude toward racism against white people is that they deserve it because of what they did during slavery and the decades that followed.
This is absurd.
The current generation should not be punished for what those before them have done. A lot of the time, the white families that are being targeted were not even living in the US when slavery was still in practice.
The entry goes on to say, "in your Facebook feed share something that shows this matters to you. Don’t say you don’t want to be political. Don’t tell me you don’t want to offend people. Because all that means is you don’t want to get into it with your clueless white friends. " 
It is more likely that these "white moms" don't really have an opinion beyond the immediate outrage and shock everyone else is feeling. When being called out like in this blog post, most don't know how to deal with them being inadvertenly called a racist, or at the very least, apathetic.  So, as a result, people share this blog in the fear of being called something that they are not.
Racism is real. Nowadays it touches everyone's lives at one point or another. But, ignorantly calling out a specific group of people demanding them to pull their heads out of the sand and take action is not the way to go.
One type of racism does not outweigh another. Racism against African-Americans is just as important as against whites, or Asians, or Pacific Islanders or Hispanics. It all matters. It is all Racism.
What happened to Michael Brown in Ferguson was an outright tragedy. As this woman states, "unarmed is unarmed." But, to lump all white mothers together and call them clueless and privileged is the exact type of behavior that this mother is asking her "dear white friends" to correct.

It's a Mom-Eats-Mom World Out There!

Being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time, 24/7/365 kind of job. There are no healthcare benefits. There is no vacation times. There is no pay. That is, there is no pay aside from getting to watch your child grow and learn and experience the world.
So, as woman and men choose to stay home with there children for an array of reasons from being  more cost effective to simply because that's what families want to do, why are they being scrutinized for it?
It is a big, sacrificial decision to choose to leave the nine-to-five and take up the full time, all consuming role of Mommy. After years, sometimes decades of working you are suddenly thrown into a world where a little person reigns king. Your boss is selfish, demanding, impatient and sometimes, down right violent.
This person is your baby.
For every "good" emotion like love, compassion, devotion and patience there are about a dozen "bad" emotions like jealousy, hate, inferiority and guilt. These emotions work against us and cause us to make decisions that we may not normally make.
In an article dated April of this year, a Boston publication printed "The Nasty, Backstabbing, and Miserable World of the Suburban Mom" the author talks about a high-end society clique of moms that is ruled by the ruthless Queen Bee.
The mothers described in the article seem like something out of the work of fiction. Beautiful, rich, moms that send their kids to all the "right schools" and collaborate playdates, and girl's night outs and BBQs. The group where all the husbands are friends and go play golf together.
Who's life is actually like this?
Being a stay-at-home-mom if far too time consuming to worry about a regular playdate, let alone the "right one." In reality, it's a good day if you do laundry, fold AND put it away. There are days when the baby is clean and dressed, but Mom may not be.

The day is jammed packed with cleaning, scraping, wiping, changing, playing, walking, running, chasing and yes, sometimes crying (from you, of course). It could be four o'clock in the afternoon before you realize that you are still in your pajamas. And not the sexy ones either.
In response to the Boston article, another stay-at-home-mom poses the question: Why do stay-at-home-moms hesitate to tell people that their job is taking care of their children?
The answer, according to this writer, is it's because there is a culture in the United States that belittles and even scrutinizes women for staying home with their children. There is stigmatism that says that stay-at-home-moms don't do anything all day. Comments like, "It must be nice to sit at home all day with your baby."
In truth that's a loaded statement.
While, yes it is nice to "sit at home with your baby all day" (when in reality there is very little sitting involved) that statement implies that it isn't extremely difficult to be at home with a baby all day. It is real, hard work with very little rest and few immediate reward.

Unfortunately, this does not only come from the random Target cashier who doesn't realize the sting of their comment. It comes from other moms who do work. Strangely, as another mom, you would expect them to understand how hard it is to take care of a small child on a 24 hour basis. Instead of banding together, some moms attack others and try to belittle and shame them.
Have confidence. Being a stay-at-home-mom is a 24/7/365 job with very little rest and no pay. Staying home with your child is what works for your family. This way, you don't miss one smile, one tear, one laugh, one sleepy sigh. There will be no worrying about who is attending to your child. Although it's an extremely busy, hard, frustrating job, it is the most rewarding.

There Will Be More Babes A-comin'!

The US Supreme Courts, all men, have recently ruled that bosses no longer have to cover birth control with company provided medical insurance.
According to the Chicago Tribune on June 30th, "In a 5-4 vote on ideological lines, the justices said that such companies can seek an exemption from the so-called birth control mandate of the law known as Obamacare. The decision, which applies only to companies owned by a small number of individuals, means employees of those companies will have to obtain certain forms of birth control from other sources." 
This is not only bad news for the right for women to make their own medical decisions that Obama had fought two years for. The problem with the 5-4 ruling runs much deeper.
In an already overpopulated world, birth control helps women plan adequately for their families. It allows a woman, a lot of them mothers, to make careful decisions about if and when they have children and how many.
In a letter to the US Supreme Justice, MomsRising.org stated, "the economic security and health of mothers and families across our nation are dependent on mothers' ability to control how many children to have, and when to have them."
If birth control is no longer easily accessible, the amount of unplanned pregnancies will inevitably rise creating financial hardships, emotional stress and in some severe cases even death. Men and women may be forced with making the heartbreaking and difficult decision between bringing an unplanned child into the world, whether they can afford it or not, or abortion (which isn't covered either).
On average, it takes $226,950.00 to raise a child from birth to 18 in the US as of 2010. This sum does not include college or unforeseen medical expenses. In some states, just one year of childcare cost more than one year of college.
Although this new ruling only applies to small businesses that believe that the Affordable Care Act, a.k.a. Obamacare, violates their religious freedom it still throws a wrench in the proverbial wheel of this nation. Studies show that in the US, about 99% of woman have used birth control at some point.
Statistics aside, in the Home of the Free, women should have the right to make decisions on their own. This especially applies to something as intimate as having a baby or not.
The discussion on whether or not to bring a new shining life into the world or not is a conversation between partners - not between boss and employee.


     

Who Mommy Groups are Really For

We all know how important it is for small children to get together with other children around their age. Socialization and development depends on the interactions that small children experience. These developments can be anything from simply being "okay" with being near another small baby to mimicking sounds that another child makes, or learning to share.
What isn't widely spoken about is how important these groups can be for the parents as well.
Motherhood can be isolating. This is especially the case when a mom or dad decides to stay at home with their new bundle of joy. Although parents are delighted that they get to spend as much time with their child as possible, allowing them to record every cute move their baby makes and posting them on Facebook as fast as their hands can manage, it can be hard and stressful.
Dangerous questions start to arise like, "what am I doing wrong?" and guilty thoughts like, "I'm such a bad parent" flood the brain. The important thing is to know that no parent is alone in these everyday, sometimes every minute struggles.
Here is where mommy groups come in.
Going to the park and simply interacting with other moms can relieve the stress and doubts that weigh parents down. Seeing that there are many different types of children that develop in their own time can help ease the worries and inadequacies that parents feel. If anything, it forces you to get dressed and leave the house for a little while.
Playgroups are another way to socialize your child and for parents to talk to each other. Gymboree, The Little Gym and community centers and YMCAs are great places to start. These places focus on a child's development while making it fun and stimulating for them. At the same time, parents bond over their children and can quickly identify how they play with other children.
Future playdate, anyone?
Of course it isn't always simple finding the right playgroup or mommy group. For some, it can be a major chore just to leave the house. If this is the case, start simple. When out for a walk in the neighborhood, or at the local Starbucks, if you pass another mom, say "hi." Speaking to a complete stranger about something as precious as your child can be scary, but once you open up (and have your kids interact) something mutually beneficial may blossom - Support.
After interacting with other moms you will quickly find that they are just as eager to establish connections with other moms as you are. This can especially be the case when a parent was used to working everyday and is now staying home all day with a little helpless creature to take care of. It can be a hard adjustment to make. Talking about these feelings with someone who can completely understand where you're coming from an help ease the burden that a lot of new parents feel.
Guilt, loneliness, shame, and fear all come with the territory of parenting. What counts is how you deal with these emotions. Sometimes, reaching out to your partner is not enough. Sometimes you just need to feel apart of something bigger than your house, and your baby and your worries. Sometimes, you just need someone to smile at you and say, "hi."

The Hidden Shame of Motherhood - an Inward Struggle

There are many emotions that come with having and raising a baby - fear, love, devotion, obsession, worry, but there is one emotion that moms are not always ready for. Shame.
The expression "it takes a village" can not be more relevant to raising a child. There are so many things out there that say what is good for our children and what is bad. There are decisions that need to be made. These decisions are not about yourself anymore. They are about the welfare and future of this little person that you brought into the world.
Should I circumcise my son?
Should we vaccinate our children?
Are my kids getting enough to eat?
Why won't this rash go away?
Along with all the feelings that come with struggling with these issues comes a large dose of judging. A lot of times, that judging comes from well-intenting fellow parents. On the other hand, a large amount of those judging comments and meaningful looks come from people who have never had children.
It's enough to get to anyone!
Social media is another source of shame and guilt. What mother (and sometimes father) doesn't have their pages and the pages of their close friends and family littered with pictures of their children laughing, playing with the dog, chasing after an other friend, or playing at the park. This is especially true when one parent is at home and the other is working.
Still, these pictures and videos can be deadly. To watch what other kids the exact same age are doing can make mothers feel guilty and inadequate. Dangerous questions flood the brain after watching a twenty second video of a 9 month old standing by themselves. You look at your eleven month old who is not even crawling yet and wonder the most treacherous question.
What did I do wrong?
The answer is NOTHING. There are so many methods out there on how to raise a child, but none of them are wrong. Parents are responsible to making tough decisions. A lot of times, they are forced to put into practice things that they don't do for themselves. These things could be regular dentist and doctors appointments, getting a flu shot, or eating healthy.
Methods of child rearing have changed dramatically since the last generation was born. It had changed even in the past ten years. There's always a study that shows that if a child skips crawling then they will not have strong math skills. Or, a study that shows that vaccinations cause autism. Or that saying "no" to a child will cause them social issues in their thirties.
Or, sometimes, a baby will just skip crawling.
There is a huge amount of guilt that goes with any decision that is made while raising a child. Along with that guilt, there's the shame of "not getting it right." Mothers hide their hardships from not only family and friends, but from other mothers for fear of being judged and accused of something that they could have changed or avoided.
It takes a village.
If a mother is struggling to get rid of a diaper rash for over a month, or has to put their child in a helmet because he has a flat head, or is still in the breastfeeding battle, it's okay. Most likely, the other mothers around you are having the same issues. Talk about it! Ask questions. You are not alone in these struggles.
Society puts a weighty expectation on mothers. After the emotional and physical trials of bringing a new life into the world, mothers are expected to hit the ground running. They are told, repeatedly, that "instincts will kick in." The fact is, not everything is about experience or instinct. Its about feeling supported and listened to and free and confident to make the decisions that will decide your child's future.
No parent can do this alone.
Remember. It takes a village to not only raise a child, but a parent as well

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Raising a Bicultural Child in the US

Times are changing. Not too long ago, the sight of a mixed couple would generate an upsurge of negative responses. Now, 13% of US marriages are interracial. This is shockingly higher than what is was thirty years ago when only just over 6% of US marriages were interracial.

Relatively speaking, mixed marraiges has only been legal in the US since 1967. This is a surprisingly recent year - most of our parents were already alive when this law was passed. That is something to reflect on.

The world is changing.

The US is a place far different from the place our parents were raised in. It is a different place than generation X, Y, and Z grew up in (the current baby having generations), for that matter. It will continue to change and shift again by the time this year's babies are old enough to have children of their own.

According to the Washington Post, "More than 7 percent of the 3.5 million children born in the year before the 2010 Census were of two or more races, up from barely 5 percent a decade earlier. The number of children born to black and white couples and to Asian and white couples almost doubled." 

Today, children of mixed couples have to be subjected to the questions like "What are you mixed with?" and parents are forced to answer the ever awkward question, "So, what is he?" Although the schoolyard is more accepting of mixed kids than even ten years ago, there is still curiosity and sometimes negative feelings toward them.

The US has long since been a melting pot of culture, language and heritage. Now, in 2014, people are still dividing themselves and each other into ethnic groups. In some places some children may feel forced to choose between races and heritage.

So, what does that mean for today's parents of young children? 

Parents are so much more than caregivers. They are teachers and friends. They are dictionaries, playmates. They are mommies and daddies. Children depend on the adults around them to show them how the world works. It is up to the caregivers to teach children about the places and things that surround them. 

That being said, the challenges of raising a bilingual, bicultural, biracial child is evident almost right away. Before my child reached his first birthday I had already been asked to choose which race my child was. 

Parents of interracial children are forced to cram their children into categories that may not necessarily exist anymore. The US is young. It was advertised as the Land of Opportunity and boy did they come running. As a result of that, its hard to say for certain where anyone really comes from. 

In the twenty-first century it is almost sad that we are still dividing ourselves up after everything that the US had done to fight for equality. They fought for marriage equality, civil rights, equality for women and same sex marriage. 

Although, no one means any harm, the question, "What is your kid mixed with?" can be damaging. It forces the parent and the child to pick a side when the lines are not as clear as they once were. We are a society of boundless technology and intellect. We should be breaking walls and boundaries,  not building them. 

As my husband so eloquently and lovely put it, "My son is part of the human race."

Booby Traps of Babyhood

Even before the first bulges of the pregnant belly show people feel the impulse to give advise, warn against bad things and the ever present, inevitable sentence that every mother or father to be expects and almost always gets...
It starts with, "Don't do..."
Bringing a new person into the world is hard. Once they arrive, it's even harder to keep that little person fed, dry, clean, energized, entertained, rested, dressed - the list goes on. However, after so many sleepless nights, new parents tend to make short cuts.
One of these short cuts is co-sleeping. Especially for breastfeeding mothers, it is far easier to just keep the baby in the bed where it can nurse whenever it wants than to get up several times a night to nurse and then put the baby back in the crib and hope they fall asleep again fast.
It's true that it is easier, but once that baby is older, it will be hard to get them out of the bed. A family bed never hurt anyone, but once that baby gets bigger, its hard to fit everyone. Also, it can cut down on intimacy between partners, among other things.
Another one of these pitfalls is the fast response to fussing. When babies are first born, everything is new and scary. Eating, sleeping, getting dressed, going poop are all foreign things that need to be learned. Once they are older though, (usually around 6 months) baby learns that if they fuss they get attention from mom and dad.
After concentrating on the little person's every need, doctors say to stop honoring their every whim and start denying them. There are few things that are harder than denying a crying baby. Still, as parents we need to toughen up and let them fuss it out. More often than not, they'll stop.
Of course, when parents respond quickly to a baby's cry they build trust with their little one. That trust teaches them to be independent and confident in their surroundings. Still, if parents overreact to every fuss and cry it may hinder the baby's development when it comes to millstones.
For example, if a baby is always being picked up when they fuss, they may not have as strong of a desire as other babies to become mobile and eventually walk on their own.
With breastfeeding mothers, its easy to nurse their baby to sleep. It's fast and effective and most of the time, they stay asleep for long periods of time. However, once baby gets older, they may not be able to fall asleep on their own and stay asleep on their own if they can't self-soothe. As baby grows into a toddler, it will be hard to transition them into a toddler bed if they can't go to sleep without sucking on something. Binkys are the same idea. Ultimately, you want your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep without the help of the nipple.
Parenting is hard. There is no right or wrong with raising a baby. Slowly, new parents learn what methods work best for them and their family. If any or all of these things work for your family, by all means, keep them up. With that said, it is up to the parents to teach the babies about the world. It's up to the parents to teach babies what to eat and when, where to sleep and for how long and what's dangerous and what is safe.

If we don't, how will they learn?

Postpartum Depression: Know the Signs

Having a baby is a life changing experience. After countless doctors visits, baby showers and birthing classes you feel pretty well prepared by the time the baby wants to come. You labor through the pain and frustration of child birth and now you have your wonderful prize - your child.
What happens after?
The words "postpartum depression" (PPD) floats around at the doctors offices and at the hospital, but what does that really mean? There are commercials on the radio and on TV that's narrated by a solemn voice over bleak, black and white video asking if you have the will to live. That definition of depression does not seem to fit postpartum depression.
While pregnant, emotion rages in the body. Once the baby is born, the body works on overhaul to get rid of all those emotions. In addition, the birth itself can trigger feelings of pain, uneasiness, inadequacy, helplessness, anger and dread.
According to the Mayo Clinic,"Many new moms experience the 'baby blues' after childbirth...but some new moms experience a more severe, long-lasting form of depression."
It's hard to decipher the difference between the "baby blues" and full blown postpartum depression. Baby blues are usually severe mood swings and crying spells that fade quickly. Anxiety, lack of sleep and sadness can also be credited to the "baby blues."
Postpartum depression is something more serious. Typical symptoms of this are insomnia, feelings of inadequacy, loss of appetite, disinterest in your baby, intense anger, and even thoughts of harming yourself or your baby.
If gone untreated, postpartum depression can be a real danger. In the UK, a woman laid herself down on a train track until she was run over after giving birth to her son Harrison. Her signs were ignored and she killed herself as a result of that negligence.
Don't dispair. Postpartum depression is sneaky and can take a strong hold on the fiercest and most confidant of women. It does not mean that you are unfit to be a mother or that it is a sign of weakness. It is only natural after such a traumatic experience.
There are simple things that can be done to help relieve the depression. Although it may be hard with a new baby, try to get some shut eye. Leave the baby with Daddy or a trusted care giver and take a nap. A few hours of extra sleep can make all the difference in the world.
Set a side some time for yourself. Take a walk around the block few times, just you. Or have some coffee with a girlfriend. This will give you a break from the 24/7 routine of having a little one to take care of.
Speak to your healthcare provider about how you are feeling and see what they suggest. They see PPD hundreds of times and know the signs and how to help you through it.
You are not alone. Ten to 15% of women suffer from PPD. With help, you will soon learn to accept your new body and welcome your new baby into the world full-heartedly.

Not Vaccinating Our Children Could Be Causing More Harm Than Good

As parents, we want to do what's best for our children. We research and ask questions and disinfect anything in our child's reach. Still, is there such a thing as over protectiveness when it comes to illness?
The saying "a little dirt, don't hurt," however grammatically incorrect, is true to a degree. Children are stronger than we think. Most kids have a security net around them that protects them from horrible illness such as measles, mumps and whooping cough.
But, what if there were holes in that security blanket?
That is what we see happening now in the US. The increasing parent trend of not vaccinating children is causing huge gaps in what doctors call the "herd immunity" areas. That is to say, an area where the majority of children are vaccinated, creating a protective shield around the rest who are not.
According to Massachusetts pediatrician John Snyder, "For example, the herd immunity threshold for measles is approximately 94%. That means that if less than 94% of a community is vaccinated against measles, outbreaks of the disease can begin to spread easily among susceptible members of the community."
In a research study Snyder did he saw that ironically, the pockets of communities that were not vaccinating their children were highly educated and upper classed. They had the power to challenge authority.
Another example of this was in the 2013 flu report from the Center of Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). According to their survey, 90% of people infected with the flu last year were in children old enough to be vaccinated, but are not. Sixty per cent of these resulted in pediatric death.
The fear of vaccinations started with a study that claimed that autism could be linked with vaccinations. However, according to the CDC, over the last 15 years, a number of medical institutions have reviewed the evidence not only from the US, but abroad as well, and found no link between autism and vaccinating children.
The hype stemmed from the belief that thimerosal (a common component used in most vaccinations) could over load the small nervous systems of babies and cause autism. Although there was no link between autism and thimerosal, it has since been removed from childhood vaccines in the US.
Still, parents are choosing to not vaccinate their children and themselves. Most decide to opt out due to philosophical or religious reasons, but a shocking amount of parents admit that they don't vaccinate their children because they don't want to cause their children pain.
Doctors are frustrated and even desperate to get people vaccinated, however. In some states you may not be able to work without a flu shot. CDC released a list of 10,000 vaccines that are safe for babies. Some states are even suggesting making all vaccinations a legal requirement.
What it all comes down it is, "Why fight modern science?"
The Spanish Flu killed 50 -100 million people in 1918 (the first known strain of H1N1) and is still killing in the US today. California is experiencing their worst Whooping Cough epidemic since 1947. Measles and mumps are on the rise world wide.
We live in a world of endless possibilities. Modern medicine is saving lives with new advances in surgery and vaccines and treatments every day. There are places outside the US where the people don't have access to modern medicine and children are dying from the measles, or flu, or whooping cough.
Why not take advantage of the fact that we live in a modern society where we have the benefit of modern science and let them save our children's lives?