Weaning a Toddler - My $1000 Wake Up Call

At first I hated breastfeeding. I wasn't told how hard it would be. It hurt. My milk sprayed everywhere. My son couldn't get the latch down. I was miserable. I wanted to give up so many times. It was my husband who urged me to keep at it.
He said, "You're a warrior. You're doing the best thing for our son."
So, I did just that. I pushed on. I grit my teeth and forced myself to stay calm and helped our son latch properly. Once he did, (about three months later) everything relaxed and we were free to enjoy the intense bonding that we were promised.

When my son's first birthday came around, I asked his Pediatrician about weaning. Her answer was, if you both want to and are able to you can go for as long as you like. I took that to heart. My son is now three years old. He sleeps in his own bed at night without nursing to sleep, but nap time was always boob time.
I probably would never have stopped if I wasn't forced to. In the end it wasn't the doctors, or my husband or our son who pushed my hand. It was me. My body had betrayed me. I had low blood pressure, low blood sugar and I was anemic. All of my nutrients were going to the little milk my body was able to make and leaving me in starvation mode.
Even with two near fainting episodes only a few months a part, I still nursed. I forced more fluids and kept at it, telling myself that it was only once a day. How much damage can it really do? The answer: A lot.
One day, when I was home alone with my son I experienced such intense dizziness that I couldn't stand. My speech was slurred. The dizziness came and went, each time it returned was worse than the wave before it. Fearing that I would faint, or become unresponsive with more than five hours before my husband came home I did the only thing I could do.
I called 911.
The paramedics came (ka-ching $1000) and they checked me out and asked me questions about my health and my diet and my period. I also consulted with a nurse and a nutritionist and they all came to the same conclusion. The anemia mixed with the breastfeeding had caused me to become unstable.
Having a toddler to feed, I am careful to eat a mix of fruits and veggies and drink lots of water. Even while being carful, I couldn't take in enough for two. There was nothing I could do about the anemia. But there was something I could do about how my body retained nutrients. I had to stop breastfeeding.
Sometimes, I'm lucky and my son falls asleep in the car. He sleeps for anywhere between forty-five minutes and an hour and a half. It's enough for him to recharge. He wakes up and we go about the rest of our day. Other times though, we have to have nap time at home.
There's a lot of crying and pointing at my chest and demanding that I lift my shirt. I lay with him and speak soothingly to him and explain that I don't have any more milk. I'm the perfect picture of calm on the outside. On the inside though, emotions are rampaging. Every inch of me wants to give in and let him nurse, but I know that if I back down now, I'll forever be at my son's mercy.
No. As much as it breaks my heart to give up that closeness and to cause my son such distress, I know that I can't nurse anymore. It's my job as a mother to take care of my son. I feed and clothes him and bathe him and make him get vaccinated. That's my job. I'm his mom.
But as moms, we need to be careful that we don't let the task of caring for our families consume everything else. By concentrating on my family I had neglected one very important thing.
Myself.

The Prepared Parent Trap

It's no secret. Parenthood comes with an alarmingly large amount of guilt. It comes from the parents themselves or from the people around a family. People can't help, but judge other people. The truth is that no matter how much a parent-to-be thinks they are prepared to provide and protect their little person, they simply aren't.
In a resent blog from madameniore.com  a writer gives fifteen ill-informed and all-assuming reasons that are meant to prove that a woman is inept for parenthood. Some of these reasons are getting up late, enjoying nights out and a tendency to buy expensive merchandise. The "proof" given by this writer is shallow and untrue.
There are a lot of dynamic shifting going on when it comes to parenting. As mothers and fathers, seasoned or brand new parents, there is only so much that can be done to prepare for a child. There is so much of child rearing that is unforeseen. It is impossible for anymore to be 100% prepared.
There are plenty of parents who like to party, buy coach and gucci and like to sleep in. That does not make them bad parents. That does not make them unsuited or somehow ill qualified to care for the little person that they brought into the world.
The awful truth is, once the little person has arrived life is dictated by that child (or children). Even those parents who liked to stumble home after a night of drinking only to roll out of bed at 1 pm will rapidly find that those sorts of nights fall away to another kind of sleepless night. It is replaced by a crying, puking, pooping, ever-hungry, adorable little person who desperately needs their parent no matter what time of day (or night) it is.

Even the uber planner family cannot be fully prepared for their coming joy. There are families that have the nursery completely done by the time mom is five months pregnant. The room is jam packed with a crib, change table, organic diapers, wipes, diaper rash cream, and stuffed animals that the child can't even see for the first few months of life. Not even careful planning, Pinterest and Google combined can fully prepare a parent for their child.
Being "fully prepared" is a myth.
There is no such thing.
There is a misconception about what parenthood is. Largely, this misconception is kept alive by judgmental, non-parents. It is widely believed that parenthood is a magical state of being that a person needs to reach before they should even allow the word "baby" into their minds.
That is simply false.
Parenthood is not a state of being. It is a process. Parenthood is a grueling, frightening, tiring, frustrating, enraging, surprising, fulfilling, terrifying struggle. There is no wrong or rights. Parenthood does not fit in a box. It comes in all shapes and sizes. Parenthood is an oblong shaped box that pops out one surprise after another. Some of these things that come along or good, but some are bad too. And that's okay.
There are no perfect parents. Only perfect children.

The Double Edged Sword of Individuality and What it Means for Our Kids

We as human beings have long since fought for individuality. The struggle to carve a little piece of uniqueness in the indistinguishable world is real. Out of that fight has emerged a place where most people can celebrate their differences openly and be accepted for them.

But, what if that was a bad thing?

Millennials are changing the way people parent their children. These are parents born between 1980 and 2000. They are highly adaptable and tech-savvy people that try to give their children the chance to be unique and independent while giving them a relaxed routine instead of the more rigid regime of the 1990's.

Parent Co. Magazine reports, "In a generation more ethnically diverse than any other, millennial parents are honing a distinctive parenting style that is defined precisely by its heterogeneity and open-mindedness aimed to cultivate kids’ unique external and internal identity and self-expression."

Most Millennials raise their kids to believe that it is okay to be different. In fact most parents nowadays encourage their kids to break away from the masses and explore their own path. Although this idea seems great on the surface, the damage of concentrating too heavily on our differences is starting to take its toll on society. 

Activist groups like Black Lives Matter (for example) open up the conversation of racism against African Americans, but do little else to help their cause. With the acceptation of the select earnest movement leaders, the group has done more to self-segregate and endorse discrimination against ethnicities other than their own. By pointing out how they are different, they have set themselves a part from the rest of society despite their cries to be treated the same as everyone else. 

Instead of concentrating on how we are different from each other, it is time to consider how we are the same. It is possible to recognize our similarities without sacrificing any of our individuality. Being overly sensitive and fearing things that are deemed "different" is no way to teach the next generation.

Children learn from their surroundings, even when their caregivers don't think they're looking. It is clear that the current way society is thinking is not working. Bullying is running rampant in schools all across the country. There is a global crisis of hate crimes, terrorism, shootings and vandalisms. 

We need to reinforce the idea that we are all the same. Although appearances, culture, language, abilities, religion and other factors may set people a part from each other, deep down we are all the same. Every human being on earth is the same. Instead of lumping people into groups that they may, or may not feel like they belong in, let's teach our children that we are all one group. 

We are all the same in that we are different. We are all that same in that we are unique. We are all the same in that we are all beautiful in our own individual and wonderful way. 

After all, if we are all the same then when we attack each other it will be easier to see that we are actually attacking ourselves. 

The Double Standard of Being a Boy

Halloween is almost here. That means that the season is changing from the balmy sunny days to the foggy, chillier ones. The leaves are turning colors. And of course, that means one very important thing -  costumes. 

Children will soon take to the streets clad in their costume of choice and gather candy from strangers. There will be hordes of pirates, superheroes, policemen, princesses and witches. Costumes, playing dress-up or Halloween, let children exercise their vivid imaginations and pretend to be someone different than they usually are.  

What if boys want to be princesses? 

Answer: It's the end of the world.

Paul Henson, of Chesapeake, V.A., posted a picture of his three-year-old son in the Halloween costume of his choice. Elsa. Not only that, but the boy wants daddy to dress up with him, too. As Anna. 

Henson posted a picture of his son in the costume with the caption:

"Anyone that knows us, knows we generally let Caiden make his own choices, to an extent. Well, he has decided on a Halloween costume. He wants to be Elsa. He also wants me to be Anna. Game on. Keep your masculine bulls***t and slutty kids costumes, Halloween is about children pretending to be their favorite characters. Just so happens, this week his is a princess." 

This is a wonderful example of not only understanding and compassionate parenting, but of a confident child. Unfortunately, not everyone sees this as fantastic child rearing. They see it as something wrong and for some, downright disgusting. 

One commenter said on babycenter.com, "No. He is a boy, he needs to wear boy clothes."

The double standard surrounding boys in society is captured perfectly in this ignorant sentence. For example. Does this person's daughter wear pants? Does she, herself? It's almost certain that she does. Pants is traditionally a "man's garment." Yet, girls and women of all ages can waltz around in many different degrees of pants and no one will notices, let along comments on it. A boy wants to wear a dress and suddenly he's strange, weird and, in the extreme viewers' eyes, sick. 

The costume industry does not help this stigma. The difference between the "girl's" spiderman costume and the "boy's" spiderman costume is astounding. The girl's costume comes with a short blue and red tutu dress with a black spider on the chest and a thin black mask. The boy's costume comes with a blue and red coverall that looks like Spidey's suit and a full facial mask. 

Even for toddlers, costumes deemed "female" are over sexualized. Not only that, but there are less options for girls than boys. Party City's website offers 58 career costume options for toddler boys and only 49 (over sexualized) for girls. 

The double standards for children is not limited to costumes. Every day language is used to force children into their gender roles. This is especially the case for boys. Things like, "man up," "boys don't cry," and "toughness equals manliness," makes boys think that they aren't allowed to show emotion and need to handle everything themselves with no help from their peers or parents. 

These values are only reinforced by the gender-specific toys, bedding and clothes. Something as simple as a color is controversial. If a boy shows favoritism toward a "girl's color" like purple he is instantly corrected and it is explained that purple is a "girl's color." It is more likely that the boy likes the color purple because it's bright and stimulating. 

Society is wrapped up in labeling and fear. The little boy in V.A. wants to dress up as Elsa for Halloween. Good for him for being confident enough to wear it! It doesn't mean he's gay, or a cross dresser, or that he identifies himself as a girl. It means that he has a healthy, active imagination and he feels like being Elsa for Halloween. 

Who are we to squash that amazing confidence and individuality? 

Super Healthy Foods For Picky Eaters

It's no secret. Toddlers and kids are picky eaters. This faze is a normal stage in all childrens' development. In an environment where most children control very little, they try to carve a small bit of independence where ever they can find it. In this case, at meal time.

According the the Mayo Clinic, "Many parents worry about what their children eat — and don't eat. However, most kids get plenty of variety and nutrition in their diets over the course of a week."

As a result, most parents try to push the protein, thinking that it would keep their kids fuller longer and aid them in brain and heart development. But, more protein isn't always the answer. Nutritianists caution parents to not over expose their kids, and themselves, to too much protein.

"The emergence of more and more foods pumped up with protein—everything from granola bars to pasta, Cheerios with protein, high protein pretzels and even pancake mix made with extra protein is likely to make even more adults and children consume protein in amounts that can greatly exceed their daily needs." dietitian nutritionist Elsia Zeid told Parents.com.

That being said, there is nothing wrong with making every bite count. Here is a list of nutrient charged foods that are yummy to eat and keeps kids full for longer. 

1. Bananas: Technically a berry, bananas are known as the "super fruit." One medium sized banana offers 422 mg of potassium, 3.1g of fiber and 1.3g of protein along with a variety of essential vitamins. 

2. Eggs: Eggs are a fast and easy food to prepare. It is packed with 6g of protein and one of the only foods that provide vitamin D. Scramble it up with a little cheese and kids will eat it up!

3. Oats: Foods like Oatmeal digest slowly, keeping kids full longer while providing 6g of protein, 143mg of potassium and 4g of fiber. Add in some antioxidant fortified blueberries and it's really cooking!

4. Milk: Around the time kids start becoming picky eaters they are nursing less and getting less breast milk. Cows milk is a great way to supplement that. Milk is jam packed with 8g of protein, 366 mg of Potassium and is 30% calcium that helps build strong bones and teeth. Of course, you can add these nutrition facts to many dairy products like yogurts and cheeses.

5. Tomatoes: Tomatoes are another potassium packed food with 292 mg. But, it also offers protein and is a great source of vitamin C. Pasta and tomato sauce or pizza is a great way to get kids to get some tomatoes in their system.

6. Cinnamon: Research shows that adding this little spice to foods can help the body regulate sugars. Sprinkle a little in pancakes, over oatmeal or even in muffin mix.

7. Sweet Potato: This is almost always baby's first food. And there's a good reason for that. The veggie has  2.1g along with essential vitamins. 

8. Wild Salmon: Stalked full of brain boosting Omega-3 this is not always an easy food to give kids, but try mixing it with some steamed rice or a little sweet mayo and some crackers.

9. Avocado: This is one of the foods that has a lot of "healthy fats." It has 2.9g of protein and also has a lot of vitamins to help kids grow strong.

10. Nuts: Nuts can be seen as a "grown up food" but most kids will be thrilled to have what mommy and daddy are snacking on. Add it to some low-fat greek yogurt for an extra dose of calcium and protein.

When it's all said and done, children who are picky eaters, or sometimes, no eaters, it's easy to stress out about if they are getting enough nutrients. The idea is not to force them to eat when they don't want to. With a few extra steps and little planning, kids can make their snacks and the few bites they actually eat during the day count. And they taste good, too!

The Shrinking Safety Zone: The Rise of Anti-Semitism World Wide

Recently, Jewish rapper Matisyahu was disinvited to a Spanish music festival for refusing to sign a statement stating that he was pro-Palistine. This is only the latest in an increasing number of anti-simetic incidents world wide.
Matisyahu stated on his Facebook page:"Honestly, it was appalling and offensive that as the one publicly Jewish-American artist scheduled for the festival they were trying to coerce me into political statements."
All across Europe there has been an increase in anti-semetic acts. In a recent survey taken by the Pew Research Center 34 out of 45 European countries reported that Jews are harassed and anti-semitism is the highest its been in seven years world wide.
According to U.S. News, "Today’s anti-Semitism differs from that of the 1930s. There is no single counterpart to Hitler. There is no one European government or leader fueling most of today’s anti-Jewish acts. Nonetheless, Europe’s leading heads of state acknowledge that Jew-hatred is spreading. Jews are seeing their religious freedom violated, their grave sites vandalized, their synagogues desecrated, and Jewish lives lost."
Sadly, this is not limited to Europe. The Anti-Defimation League posted their annual log stating that anti-semitism is up 21% in the US from the last calendar year. They report 203 instances in New York, 184 in California, and 107 in New Jersey, among others.
What's even more worrying is that Times of Israel released an article stating that hating Jews in the US has become "fashionable." And according to the writer, it isn't the first time that these hateful trends were seen in the US.
Freaked out yet?
For Jews, there seem to be less and less places where they can feel safe. So far, the violence and vandalism has not had any victims that were children. Still, with the rise of anti-semitism in not only the US, but worldwide, it seems like only a matter of time before ignorant and hateful people start targeting children as well.
The truth is that the level of tolerance in the US is low. Thanks to movement like Black Lives Matters  US residents are aware of the many ways that the sense of "otherness" is able to frighten people. Still, the problem is when people turn a blind eye to anti-semitism as if it never existed.
In February, a woman in Boise, ID had a neighbor stand on her neck until she claimed that she believed in Jesus. Later that same month, 30 swastikas were scribed on mailboxes in Wisconsin. There is always an onslaught of vandalism and shooting around the Jewish High Holidays. Even with this blatant expression of hatred, people still turn away or shrug it off.
These are irrational acts performed by demented people. These types of people can not be reasoned with. Sadly, the trends that are being seen today are very similar to the warning signs that were detected in events that led to the holocaust. Eleven million people were killed in the name of racial purity. Equally sad, is the fact that today, people's attitude toward Jews are the same. This time, the signs can help avoid the repetition of the horrific events that happened in Europe during WWI and WWII.
The number of hate crimes against Jews rising all over the world are enough to send any parent that identifies with Judaism into panic. The scary thing is that people don't want to know what's happening to the Jews. On the other side of that coin, there are the people who think that the Jews somehow deserve to be hated. And that thought is truly, truly frightening.

The Ongoing Shame of Breastfeeding

Breastfeeding is a wonderful way for mother and child to build an unshakable bond. Not only that, but breastfeeding offers an array of essential heath benefits to both mother and child. In many states in the U.S. woman are allowed to breastfeed in public without covering their chest. This is done, but not without a shocking amount of backlash. 

Canadian columnist Kristin Thompson stated, "Breastfeeding is not gross. It’s natural, it’s important and it’s really difficult. So it’s shocking to me that mothers are being shamed for doing it in public — and by other women."

Photographer Erin White set out to try and lift some of the fidgetiness that some people feel about breastfeeding in public. Her photo shoot "Women in the Wild" featured breastfeeding mothers of all shapes and sizes nursing their children in what ever stage of "modesty" the women felt comfortable in. White stated that the shoot turned out to be "undeniably beautiful" but what she didn't expect was that the photo shoot also turned out to be taboo. 

"What did I see that others did not?" White said, "On our BabyCenter Facebook page, the mood veered from adulation to offended — to the point where one reader commented, “This isn’t art, it’s pornographic.”

There is nothing "pornographic" about a woman standing in a forest, completely covered, save for her breast, feeding her small child. It's beautiful. Obviously, not everybody feels that way.

Breastfeeding in public is an ongoing battle. Mothers who feed their children at the mall or at the park are immediately shamed by the people around them. The twist is that the shaming often come from other mothers. In the U.S. the average mother does not breastfeed past six months. If a mother does choose to breastfeed past six months, her judgement is called into play. 

The most popular question asked is, "What is so hard about covering up in public while breastfeeding?"

The answer is that the mother shouldn't have to cover. There is nothing wrong with feeding a child who needs or wants the comforting breastfeeding experience, let it be in the grocery store or in a restaurant. 

The fear of the exposed human body caused people to lash out. People project their own feelings of uncomfortableness that they feel about their own bodies (men and women) on someone who seems to not share in that common concern. 

U.S. society it overly sexually charged. If a mother breastfeeds a child uncovered, she's accused of not being modest. At the same time, men and women walk around in clothes that do not leave much to the imagination and are automatically accepted.
A woman's breast was made for a simple function. It developed so a mother can feed her baby. There is nothing wrong, or indecent about feeding a child, no matter how old they are or how exposed the mother is. The problem is not the mothers who breastfeed in public (covered or not), the problem is the society that feels the that they have not only the need, but the right to shame her.