Pages

Monday, December 22, 2014

The Power of Three - On "Only" Having One Child

It starts around 15 months:
"When are you staring on number two?"
"You have to have another one!"
"That's just cruel."
"But, he'll be alone after you die."
These are only a fraction of what families with only children will hear. The pressure to expand the family beyond "just" one child can be stifling and overwhelming. The social expectation for children is astounding. You are not only expected to have one child, but two or more or else you are considered selfish, cruel and somehow incomplete. 
Avital Nathman wrote for Time magazine, "I knew we were already happy. And that he [our son] was also a truly happy kid, despite his wish [for another baby]. His life, and ours, wasn’t “less” because of not having more."
Single child families are on the rise, jumping from 10% in 1976 to 18% today. Reasons for this are infertility, usually when families wait too long before having children and families feeling like they don't make enough to support two children. Things seem even more bleak with more and more moms deciding to stay home with their children instead of putting them in dare care.
Still close friends and family and strangers alike feel compelled to express their concerns about single children. There are stigmas about single children. It is said that only children are lonely, spoiled, and unable to play well with others. 
Dr. Susan Newman, psychologist and author of The Case of the Only Child: Your Essential Guide, conducted a study of single child families and found that, "the studies all show that only children are not spoiled. They're no more lonely than other children, and they actually make as many friends as children with siblings." 
And yet, people insist that single child families are somehow unfinished and the parents are somehow self-obsorbed. The pressure may build with not only the frequent questions, but with the families that had their first children together all starting on their second children. The excitement of trying and learning that families are pregnant may stir the need to have more.
This may not be a good pretense for having another. The eagerness to jump on the baby-having band wagon may have less to do with actually wanting a second child and more to do with wanting to keep up with the group. Children are a life long commitment. The reason for having children should never come down to, "Well, everyone else is doing it..."
Remember, no one knows what is right for one family or another except for those involved. What may work for some families might not work for others. No two families are exactly alike. No one would know better than the families themselves. 
The pressure can be heavy. The questions intensify and become more harsh and invasive after the first baby turns 18 months old. Although some can be down-right insulting, try not to take it to heart. Usually, it is just out of concern.
There is a lot of talk about selfishness when it comes to children. It is not selfish to have only one child or to have no children at all. In a free society, where we are able to be who we are without fear of reticule is what it means to live in the 21st century (at least if you live in the Western World).
 Not everyone can or should have kids.
Not everyone can or should have more than one child.
So, next time someone feels inclined to comment on your family size, look at them straight in the eye and say, "Never underestimate the power of three."

1 comment:

  1. I became satisfied to examine this article after looking at google, after reading I have written a piece of article about: nose surgery Thank you for the article and supporting me.

    ReplyDelete